Yusef's Journal

Conspiracy theories

2012-01-26T20:00:00.002-05:00

When I read about a man who found out that he was dating a conspiracy theorist on James Randi's blog, I was quite taken by his statement that he was happy to baptise his kids, even though he did not believe in any of that "religious stuff". He just wanted to keep peace within the family.

I am with him on this....I have found that if something does not hurt anyone, it is best to let the sleeping dog lie.
I would baptise my kids to keep peace in the family, you bet! It hurts no one, and makes a lot of people happy.
The same cannot be said for circumcision. Or ear piercing. Or tattoos. Or breast implants. Or root canals.
The discipline to guide a line of thought is difficult to master. Even to oneself, it is hard to do.
I have gone to great lengths to suppress my knee jerk reaction, and if I have the time, I will ask the person spouting the nutbar theory a simple question.
"Why do you believe that?" And I don't accept "well it said so on TV, or that is what my mom believed." "Why do YOU believe that?"
On several occasions, I have been given considered and well thought out replies, which make me question my initial rejection of the theory. My reasoning is subtle...usually if it really IS a nutbar theory, the basis for it will not stand up to light of day. (Mr. Randi's famous on-stage explanation of how homeopathic medicine is made, with all the concussion sideways and up and down is a good example of that. For instance, the theory behind Chiropracty, or nearly any other alternative medicine similarly does not look good when you simply state the reason why you think it works.)
Once in a while, I am convinced that the nutbar theory is actually credible. I have changed my mind on a myriad of things...everything from gays and women in the military to the war on drugs, to continental drift, global warming to the value of a government, the usefulness of cheerleading and martial arts for children. All these things I changed my lifelong views upon by simply asking the person who was expounding the theory de jour "So why do you believe that?"
So its not a matter of changing them...it is a matter of learning to think clearly, learning to control yourself, and to always keep an open mind. Who knows, maybe Big Pharma really IS making people sick just to sell them drugs! But I doubt it. But hey, why do YOU believe it?

You Tube

2012-01-22T00:48:00.001-05:00

Will be the death of me.

William Shatner singing to George Lucas....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDIBchVxSmE&feature=related

Ormie the Pig

2012-01-16T10:47:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FrTbnczYAd4&feature=player_embedded

BarBeQue

2012-01-10T16:34:00.002-05:00

Pictures from our trip to Ottawa's answer to the Syracuse Dinosaur....

smokey goodness.....

Discounts

2012-01-04T11:18:00.002-05:00

At my last Barter Club dinner, I was buttonholed by Mike. "Bill, I have started a new business!" Well, Mike, you start a new business about once every two years. Whats this one about? "Well, we want you to provide a discount coupon (on line of course) which we will send to thousands of people and you will get hundreds of orders as a result. All we want is for you to provide content, and we will get it "out there" and of course, we expect a piece of the action.

This went on for awhile, as I tried to understand how this would be a sustainable business model. First of all, it certainly seems that there are many companies that are doing just that. As far as I can see, what I would get out of this is a pile of "leads". Thats ad man talk for "email addresses". Possibly targeted addresses in that it would include a pile of people that are actually interested in my product.

In other words, spam.

I dunno. I suspect that I would get a huge list of people who are looking for cheap stuff, instead of good stuff. I don't think I want to "deep discount" my work. It cheapens it.

Scotch

2012-01-03T00:21:00.003-05:00

On the vertical axis whiskies are plotted as how smoky they are [the flavours which come principally from the peat used in drying the barley, which all Single Malts are made from] or how delicate they are [whiskies which contain unpeated barley and have no peat-smoke flavours].

On the horizontal axis whiskies are plotted as how light they are [whiskies with fresh flavours such as green grass, fresh fruits and barley] or how rich [flavours ranging from vanilla and nuttiness to cigar box, chocolate and dried fruit].

Read more of Mr. Broom's reviews of fine Scotch Whiskeys here.

http://whisky.scotsman.com/flavourmap.aspx

Hugo

2011-12-28T09:27:00.003-05:00

What a pleasant holiday movie! I don't get out to see too many movies these days. I'll HAVE to change that if there are such great flicks coming to the silver screen.
This is not "steam punk" like, say, the Golden Compass, but rather, think of it as aging steam punk....steam thirty years after steam is no longer used.

Have seen a few movies over the holidays. Watched "Lords of War" for instance. I thought that Nicholas Cage played a wonderful character...a quiet, thoughtful supplier of arms to both sides of some very violent conflicts. His very quiet, business like demeanor was more chilling than any Rambo could ever have been.

Christmas dinner was at my friend Susan's place....a lively day full of kids being kids. Loved it.

There is a blanket of snow out there that I have to get at, so Merry Christmas.

Gingerineering

2011-12-23T16:52:00.003-05:00

Castle making out of Ginger Bread.

Awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WyjhCq44F8&list=UUJGO5a37OHsZG5cUgyLC4pA&index=1&feature=plcp

Come to think of it, I will put this link up on my armouring blog too!

Ray Sawyer's Hotel Christmas

2011-12-21T00:19:00.003-05:00

Most people know Ray Sawyer as the eye patche'd dude who brought Shel Silversteine's poems to life in his band "Doctor Hook and the Medicine Show". He is famous for his cowboy hat and his eye patch, but the Santa Claus beard was a bit of surprise.

Here is the last song ever written by Shel Silverstein. May he rest in peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PmhLr99JJs

Relax, pour yourself an egg nog and enjoy.

Signs

2011-12-18T19:23:00.001-05:00

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
We repair anything. Knock hard, doorbell does not work.

Electric Balalaika

2011-12-16T22:46:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCEIkHLLyTM&feature=related

Foxes

2011-12-16T15:08:00.002-05:00

So they said...Why don't you put up some foxy ladies up on your blog. So I did.

Cell phone hi jinks

2011-12-16T14:39:00.002-05:00

http://media.mtvnservices.com/player/loader/?CONFIG_URL=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.mtvnservices.com%2Fplayer%2Fconfig.jhtml%3Furi%3Dmgid%253Acms%253Amvideo%253Acmt.com%253A40319%26group%3Dmusic%26type%3Dnoesi%26ref%3Dnull&uri=mgid%3Acms%3Amvideo%3Acmt.com%3A40319&group=music&type=noesi&ref=null

I want to read this book case

2011-12-14T01:31:00.003-05:00

Medical Info all women should know

2011-12-06T10:03:00.001-05:00

Medical Info Women Should Know

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women
PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q?: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q?: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

soft ware for hard steel

2011-12-01T11:55:00.004-05:00

I have been playing with some innovations. Like feathers for scale, or brass edging of steel that look like flames or just repeating patters, that sort of thing. Most of them take an excrutiatingly long time to cut out and attach to the metal. Often doing such work is soul destroying, repetitive, boring and sometimes not what the client wanted at all. There are software programs which can create these things as required. Below is the letter I wrote to a major three dee software designer I am evaluating at the present.

cut and paste follows

>Well, this is a sort of "chicken or the egg" isn't it! I am searching for an edge on my competition, and the use of machinery which uses three dee modeling might be the edge. Or it might not. And that means tools which can run that machinery. Or it might not. If there is a technological answer, it exists in 3-d modeling. Or it might not.

What I DO is make custom suits of armour for people. Right now, they are made the hard way....each one is a "one off custom job" with many similarities from one to t'other. By their nature, they tend to be very pricey.
They have to be able to be worn, and they have to be made from steel because, well, they have a function to perform as well as a look.

There are an increasingly large number of people doing this kind of work, many of them are offshore, and have access to remarkably inexpensive labour and some of that labour is quite skilled! Trust me, there are lots of suits of armour being made....there are plenty of people who have always wanted to be "the knight in shining armour". And the offshore people know this. For me to stay in business, I have to come up with something they don't have. That means imagination and quality and innovation.

The breakdown of processes involved in making a suit of armour is not very complicated. Imagine a tailor making a suit. You have the material. (aluminum for actors, stainless for rental firms, steel for re-enactors.) and cutting tools, hammers and rollers to fabricate the parts. And then there are the sales staff, designers, web developers, book keepers and shippers. There is a fair amount of room to grow, and not enough sales to accomplish that growth, but with a unique product, I can regain my top spot in this market.
Now, you have to remember Justin, that I am fifty six years old, and have been doing this job now for twenty two years. Its time I conserved by skills and time on the hammer and prepare for the future. And innovation is nothing new to me...every day I discover and have to master a new skill.

So what can three dee modeling do for me? Oh, lordy, who knows! However, lets start with something simple. A scale for a scale coat.
Right now, scales are labouriously cut by hand from scrap metal. Good use of scrap. Now they have to be cut, drilled, sanded and shaped into a little shield. Excellent concurrent activity for my staff who would be standing around with their thumbs up their tush anyway, but soul destroying work to do full time. So I accumulate several hundred pounds of business card sized scales on the off chance that somebody wants them someday. They sit there and go rusty and eventually I use them. But what if somebody wants an innovative scale coat? Say, one which uses scales of a different size? Or different material? Or different shape? Say, he wants feathers, or dragon scales, or fancy gauntlet fingers. I can't economically cut all the possible shapes out on the off chance that somebody might need them someday. But I CAN have the design as a template which I can get a contractor with a water jet cutter to manufactur as required. Heck, if this approach were to become popular, I might get a water jet or a trumph laser here in my shop, in which case, I would be able to bid on short time line contracts.

But for scales, Gimp or paint shop pro might be more appropriate. Perhaps easier to learn or be supported by more machinery or whatever. I don't know the answers to these questions. Which is why I am evaluationg all three at this time.

But a scale is not a three dee rendering. Nor does it require three dee software. What "would" require your product? Well, how about a steel gauntlet? Making a gauntlet is a very complex and difficult process at present. It involves a lot of cardboard and scissor work, and a lot of trial and error. Most gauntlets therefore do not have much compound curving to them. They look to be cut out of flat sheets because, well because they "are" cut out of flat sheet metal. Which provides a sort of look which is okay I guess, but that look is achieved at an ungodly low price by my competition off shore. I need to come up with ways to change it on "paper", model it on screen first, and them print out the templates. Again, it would be good to have those templates repeatable, and be able to cut out a hundred gauntlets as easily as one. To be able to have nesting compound curves is desirable and with difficulty, achievable with present methods. And then there is the issue of "sizes". Small, medium, large, and Xtra large come to mind. Or if it exists only on a program perhaps an infinite size range could be accomodated as required. (variables would be distance around the hand, length of fingers, that sort of thing.
Then there is labeling and surface details. A laser or a water cutter can be dialed back to allow for surface marking instead of cutting. To mark a size and part number into the back of every plate would ensure that we don't get them mixed up. Or imagine engraving stuff onto the surface to decorate it or texture it. Or even engrave the client's name into each piece.

This is what I have in mind for innovation. To do this, I am evaluating your product versus about three different flavors of auto cad.
So what do YOU think? So far, xxxxxx design seems to be winning out. Do you think xxxxxx 3-d modeling would accomplish my desired innovations?

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

2011-11-18T22:01:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgI8bta-7aw&feature=related

The Edmund Fitzgerald sunk on 10 November 1975. Its a November thing.

A song for Canadian Soldiers

2011-11-17T19:01:00.001-05:00

A song for Canadian soldiers.

http://www.military.com/video/operations-and-strategy/afghanistan-conflict/ode-to-canadian-soldiers/693575890001/

motivational thoughts

2011-11-16T00:55:00.006-05:00

Feeling blue or insecure? Losing sight of what's important? Still searching for the real "you"? In this self-help age of soul-searching, daily affirmations have been known to do the trick. But you probably shouldn't try these ...
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

I am at one with my duality. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others. I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more. I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

Joan of Arc heard voices too.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

2011-11-14T17:21:00.002-05:00

Upon one summer's morning, I carefully did stray,
Down by the Walls of Wapping, where I met a sailor gay,
Conversing with a bouncing lass, who seem'd to be in pain,
Saying, William, when you go, I fear you will ne'er return again.

His hair it does in ringlets hang, his eyes as black as soles,
My happiness attend him wherever he goes,
From Tower Hill, down to Blackwall, I will wander, weep and moan,
All for my jolly sailor bold, until he does return.

My father is a merchant — the truth I will now tell,
And in great London City in opulence doth dwell,
His fortune doth exceed ₤300,000 in gold,
And he frowns upon his daughter, 'cause she loves a sailor bold.

A fig for his riches, his merchandize, and gold,
True love is grafted in my heart; give me my sailor bold:
Should he return in poverty, from o'er the ocean far,
To my tender bosom, I'll fondly press my jolly tar.

My sailor is as smiling as the pleasant month of May,
And oft we have wandered through Ratcliffe Highway,
Where many a pretty blooming girl we happy did behold,
Reclining on the bosom of her jolly sailor bold.

Come all you pretty fair maids, whoever you may be
Who love a jolly sailor bold that ploughs the raging sea,
While up aloft, in storm or gale, from me his absence mourn,
And firmly pray, arrive the day, he home will safe return.

My name it is Maria, a merchant's daughter fair,
And I have left my parents and three thousand pounds a year,
My heart is pierced by Cupid, I disdain all glittering gold,
There is nothing that can console me but my jolly sailor bold.

Artwork...Hajimi Sorayama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=JOzlxwCh9yc

Blast from the past

2011-11-14T09:50:00.002-05:00

This summer I was traveling up airport road on my way to Stayner for some of Mr. Hoffmann's wurst, and this was beside the road. Not a steam punk shovel...it is no doubt a diesel, but it might have been a conversion from steam.
All those cables. What a cool machine!

Poppies

2011-11-11T10:24:00.006-05:00

Antwerp-Turnhout Canal - This canal was one of the waterworks connecting with the city and its badly needed port facilities. The Calgary Highlanders arrived in this area on 18 September 1944, and on the 21st a bridgehead over the Albert Canal was created by Sergeant Ken Crockett and a handpicked section of ten men. His brave foray into enemy territory was soon expanded to a company sized bridgehead, after which the entire Fifth Brigade was able to follow. His nomination for a Victoria Cross was turned down at the highest levels of command for a very well deserved Distinguished Conduct Medal instead.

The Scheldt - The Scheldt battles were fought on both sides of this waterway during September, October and the early part of November 1944. All three Canadian divisions in northwest Europe took part in these actions, as well as several other divisions under the command of First Canadian Army. Major features north of the Scheldt Estuary included, from west to east, Walcheren Island, North Beveland, and the South Beveland Peninsula. To the south of the Estuary was the area known as "The Breskens Pocket". The Calgary Highlanders fought many actions in the Scheldt battles, highlighted by the Battle Honours listed next.

Woensdrecht - a village at the base of the South Beveland Peninsula in the southwest of The Netherlands. Any units seeking to gain access to South Beveland had to clear a series of villages in this area of enemy soldiers. From 22-27 October, much mighting was seen in this area between the 5th Brigade and veteran German paratroops of Battle Group Chill.

South Beveland - a long peninsula marking the northern boundary of the Scheldt Estuary, the waterway through which Allied ships would have to sail to reach Antwerp and shorten Allied supply lines, still being traced over land all the way back to Normandy. The failure to secure a port closer to the front line meant the expenditure of thousands of gallons of gasoline trucking supplies through France, Belgium and Holland. The Highlanders fought their way west down the Peninsula with the rest of the 2nd Canadian Division, in order to reach Walcheren Island and silence the many German coastal batteries there.

Walcheren Causeway - After South Beveland was secured, the only land route to Walcheren Island - last holdouts on the Scheldt Estuary - was a long causeway just 40 metres wide and over 1000 metres long. The Slooe Channel through which the Causeway ran was too shallow for assault boats, and the salt marshes and mud made the way impassable to land vehicles or marching infantry. On Hallowe'en Night, the Calgary Highlanders followed up a disastrous attack by the Black Watch on the Causeway, and managed to force a shallow bridgehead on the far end. Fierce fighting ensued, and the Highlanders were relieved by Le Regiment de Maisonneuve on 1 November. Sixty-four Highlanders were killed or wounded in the action; the ferocity of the fighting was testified to by the actions of Sergeant Emil Laloge, who was awarded the Distinguished Conduct Medal for, among other things, picking up German grenades and throwing them back at the enemy before they could explode among his men. This battle is commemorated each year by the Regiment with a drumhead ceremony and visit from the Dutch community.

There is more here.... http://army.ca/wiki/index.php/The_Calgary_Highlanders

That action, the one where Sgt Crockett did deeds of daring worthy of a movie all its own nearly didnt' work. The Canadians pushed the defending forces back sure enough, but standard tactics by the Germans at that time were to fade back, and then return in force. The Canadians nearly broke (some say they DID break and run) but my uncle Bill set up a machine gun and covered the retreat. The Canadians recovered, and held the bridgehead long enough for Crerar's army to get across the Albert Canal, and start the big push into the Beaveland peninsula. The result of this action which was started with such a bang was the ability to clear the north side of the Scheldt estuary, whichin turn allowed ships to reach Antwerp. The history of the "bloody causeway" is yet another story, devoid of glory, and covered in mud.

This of course is part of the "forgotten war", the rolling up of the left flank...the heavily fortified "fortress europe". During the beaveland campaign, the British got the middle thrust, the "bridge too far", and the Americans got Paris. And then the Battle of the Bulge, which was their particular slice of hell.

I walked off the rememberance parade this morning...the first one I have EVER walked off. It was during the solemn prayer, everybody's head was lowered and the padre was droning on. I think it was the phrase "grant us victory oh Lord", which caught my attention, and I remembered the 1909 writings of Mark Twain. He was clearly staring his creator in the face at that time....he died only a couple of years later. This is Mark Twain's words....

It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and spluttering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spread of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts, and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country, and invoked the God of Battles beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpourings of fervid eloquence which moved every listener. It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.

Sunday morning came -- next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their young faces alight with martial dreams -- visions of the stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender! Then home from the war, bronzed heroes, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory! With the volunteers sat their dear ones, proud, happy, and envied by the neighbors and friends who had no sons and brothers to send forth to the field of honor, there to win for the flag, or, failing, die the noblest of noble deaths. The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation

God the all-terrible! Thou who ordainest! Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!

Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was, that an ever-merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers, and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in the day of battle and the hour of peril, bear them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory --

An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness. With all eyes following him and wondering, he made his silent way; without pausing, he ascended to the preacher's side and stood there waiting. With shut lids the preacher, unconscious of his presence, continued with his moving prayer, and at last finished it with the words, uttered in fervent appeal, "Bless our arms, grant us the victory, O Lord our God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!"

The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside -- which the startled minister did -- and took his place. During some moments he surveyed the spellbound audience with solemn eyes, in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said:

"I come from the Throne -- bearing a message from Almighty God!" The words smote the house with a shock; if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. "He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd, and will grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import -- that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of -- except he pause and think.

"God's servant and yours has prayed his prayer. Has he paused and taken thought? Is it one prayer? No, it is two -- one uttered, the other not. Both have reached the ear of Him Who heareth all supplications, the spoken and the unspoken. Ponder this -- keep it in mind. If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.

"You have heard your servant's prayer -- the uttered part of it. I am commissioned of God to put into words the other part of it -- that part which the pastor -- and also you in your hearts -- fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. the whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. Elaborations were not necessary. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory -- must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!

"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle -- be Thou near them! With them -- in spirit -- we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it -- for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.

(After a pause.) "Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits!"

It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said.

I must be a lunatic because it makes PERFECT sense to me.

Halloween

2011-11-09T07:18:00.002-05:00

This was Shayne's place. A whole castle outside of his town house.

Up the road....a very fancy decoration.

Click to enlarge. See the "graves" with zombie parts coming out of them.

Inside Shane's castle. A couple of good little zombies with swords. Note the strings which cause things to move when you least expect it. We got some really powerful screams....

Toons

2011-10-31T13:06:00.005-04:00

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T07:48:00.000-04:00

Algonquin Animation

2011-10-28T07:13:00.004-04:00

Hi Bill!

If you or anyone you know is looking for commission art work here’s the place to go! http://algonquinanimation2012.tumblr.com/ The entire cost of the artwork goes to fund our grad show. Donations are also happily accepted. Please spread this around to anyone you know who would be interested. We update almost daily and each artist seems to be adding more and more to what they are willing to create.

Thanks,

Alanna

And from that link...a cut and paste below...(Alanna drew the assassin llama above...give you an idea of the quality we are talking about here!)

The third year animation class of Algonquin College 2012 is earning money for their annual grad show by doing commissioned artwork for you!

As we do more and more artwork, the pieces will be posted here for people to see.

Interested in a commission by one of the student or have any questions? You can contact the artist directly or use the "Ask" button to contact the blog. Then you just select their name from the PayPal list to make your payment!.

end cut and paste...

Well there you go Alanna. Doing my part to showcase your talent and that of your collegues.

Oh the humanity!

2011-10-27T02:28:00.003-04:00

These are two of ten you can find on Ray Vilifane's blog page...

http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/the-most-incredible-jack-o-lanterns-youll-ever-see/screen-shot-2011-10-22-at-11-16/

You should really go and visit it!

I dunno, you think he has captured my likeness up there?

Lanterns

2011-10-25T22:23:00.004-04:00

Oh will the horror never end?

2011-10-24T15:50:00.004-04:00

Oh no! There's more!

2011-10-23T19:04:00.002-04:00

Oh no! There

2011-10-23T19:04:00.000-04:00

Will they never end?

2011-10-19T11:55:00.002-04:00

Judy's pics.

2011-10-18T08:40:00.002-04:00

Judy over at Lilac Gate snapped this picture of fall leaves. A "perfect" composition IMHO.
Please visit Judy here. http://lilacgate.blogspot.com/

More pumpkins!

2011-10-17T08:52:00.003-04:00

This is a world record!

Hey, I know that guy!

The pumkin hoards are attacking!

2011-10-16T08:57:00.003-04:00

Office Pranks...Cracked Magazine

2011-10-13T16:27:00.001-04:00

Why Office Pranks Suck When You're a NASA Employee

By:

Chris Bucholz

It might come as some surprise to you to find out that all of us Cracked writers and staffers have satellite dishes in our backyards, which we use to monitor comedy events observed by our armada of orbiting comedy satellites. However, unlike the rest of the Cracked staff, Im a bit of an amateur radio astronomer. Consequently, my dish is actually a 10-foot little number which I also use for surveying the heavens, constantly scanning the sky for fart jokes in the aether.

One of 24 Cracked Comedy Satellites in a constellation of high inclination orbits.

This past week, while examining a section of sky near Gemini for scraps of an anecdote about an alien farmers daughter, I came across an anomalous signal. Fairly quickly I determined it to be human in origin and, as it was unencrypted, I was able to reassemble its meaning without too much difficulty. (Before I became a columnist I was actually part of Cracked's SIGINT division.)

The signal I was receiving was a journal, sent by the lone occupant of a space vehicle on its way to Mars. This vehicle was secretly launched by NASA in March of this year under the guise a mission to place a space telescope into "orbit." Composed of individual journal entries, transcripts of communications with mission control and wild, unstructured rants, this compilation told the story of a man who, in his own words, had gotten royally screwed, right in the mouth.

So, as a service to all the conspiracy theorists and amateur radio astronomers who make Cracked.com their first stop every morning, I present a lightly edited version of this journal to you below.

___

Journal Entry: March 7, 2009

Ugh. I will never get used to that. Being launched into space SUCKS. It feels like being the turkey in a sandwich, except the bread is a family of fat people. Heh, thats a good one. Im going to let the guys in control know about that one, so they can add it to the list.

Journal Entry: March 7, 2009 Addendum OK, apparently theyre not adding any more sandwich ones to the big launch metaphor list. Fuck those douches.

Journal Entry: March 8, 2009

Post launch rest period concluded. Time to get down to work. The purpose of this mission is to conduct a trial run of the systems in a habitat module intended for a potential Mars mission. So strictly speaking my only real job here is to stay alive. I think I can manage that.

Whoops! Almost died there. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Just kidding diary.

Seriously though, Ive got a whole checklist of things to do here, so Id better get started.

Day 1:

Item 1: Use Toilet

Item 2: Disassemble Toilet

Huh.

.Journal Entry: March 14, 2009 Apparently Im not alone up here. In another compartment in the module is a monkey. He's got this little machine that provides food and water, and he's hooked up to medical monitoring equipment. But what the heck is he doing up here? He wasn't mentioned in my mission briefing. Which was actually kind of rushed now that I think about it. I guess it makes sense. Looking at my checklist, it looks like I'll be working on his toilet quite a bit later on.

Journal Entry: March 16, 2009 The food here is terrible. The larder is fully stocked, but with really inappropriate food. Its got nothing but soup in here. And not astronaut soup. Cans of Chunky. Its like someone raided a Costco for a fucking space mission. How am I supposed to eat this? Is this someones idea of a joke? It's been a week and this place is already covered in brown smears. All that toilet maintenance can't be helping.

Journal Entry: March 20, 2009 I should be able to see Earth out of one of these windows, right? I cant believe I hadnt noticed that until now. When I checked in with control, they said it was normal. Apparently Im in a highly elliptical orbit. They called it a Bigh-Bie orbit. Never heard of it before. Named after its inventors presumably. I could have sworn I heard them snickering when they said that though.

Journal Entry: March 28, 2009 OK, this is bullshit. Every other task on my checklist involves using the toilet and then immediately taking it apart. Shit is literally getting out of control. Diary, do you know what comes out of an astronaut who eats nothing but soup? Or a monkey at any time, in any situation? This whole place is disgusting.

___

TRANSCRIPT OF HAB MODULE ARES-1B COMMUNICATION TO HOUSTON- MISSION CONTROL 0815hr 04/16/2009

MC: Hi, Tim? This is Mission Director Mike Atkinson here. Have you been communicating with control on this frequency? Because the people on this line are not Mission Control. Do you know a Ron Berton or Aaron Grimhorst?

HM A-1B: Yeah, I know those two guys.

MC: Yeah, OK. Look, I dont know what those guys told you, but this is supposed to be an unmanned mission. I dont even know how you got in there. This is a real situation.

HM A-1B: Youre telling me, Mike. I have been cleaning up my own shit for two weeks now. Also, what do you mean by unmanned mission?

MC: Well it looks like these guys played a bit of a prank on you, there. This was an unmanned mission - well, a one monkey mission - and Aaron and Rob somehow snuck you on board. Im not exactly sure how this actually represents a pretty fundamental failure of several hundred different protocols. We're actually kind of lucky you're still alive. But, if you've got air, water and food, I guess you can hang out a bit longer. In the meantime were going to have to see how this affects the mission. You sit tight, OK?

HM A-1B: Can do Mike. Ive got another toilet check coming up on my checklist anyways.

MC: Uh, yeah. Yes. Stick to the checklist. We may get back to you on that as well.

___

TRANSCRIPT OF HAB MODULE ARES-1B COMMUNICATION TO HOUSTON - MISSION CONTROL 1942hr 04/16/2009

MC: Hi, Tim. First thing I want you to know is that were going to be disciplining Aaron and Rob. What they did was not cool. I want you to be sure that this kind of behavior will no longer be tolerated. Right now HR is redrafting our Tolerance and Harassment Policy to make this kind of thing explicitly prohibited.

HM A-1B: Thats good.

MC: Furthermore, Aaron and Rob will both be speaking with a counselor, and this incident will go on their permanent records. I cant really go into the details, but between you and me Id be surprised if either of them gets much more than a two percent raise this year, Tim.

HM A-1B: I am glad to hear that. What about the rest of the timeline? Im still scheduled for reentry maneuvers on Thursday?

MC: Yes. No. About that. You are actually traveling towards Mars at a very high speed.

HM A-1B: I see.

MC: Weve had the boys running the numbers here to map out a way to get you back to Earth, and it turns out the answer is pretty simple.

HM A-1B: Oh good.

MC: I said simple. Not good. You are not coming back to Earth. Its just completely physically impossible. The guys tell me we could send you to Jupiter. Do you want to see Jupiter? Ive heard its pretty big. Youll, uh, almost certainly starve to death before then, but you know. An option.

HM A-1B: ...

MC: You still there Tim?

Jupiter is prettybig.

HM A-1B: Forgive me if I seem a little dazed by this. How? Why exactly am I going to Mars?

MC: Well, contrary to whatever these guys told you, this mission was primarily intended to test the shielding systems on board the habitat to see how well they protect the crafts occupants from solar radiation. Thats why the monkeys there.

HM A-1B: Ive been calling him Buzz.

MC: That is certainly your right. Anyways, the reason there's been all this secrecy around the mission is because we needed to do live testing on this shielding, but didnt want to make it public we were using an animals. In fact, if you could check yourself for cancer real quick, that'd be super handy for us. Much more ethical.

HM A-1B: -Finally cracking up- I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I'm going to die? I can't believe this. Oh God! My wife! She'll be devastated.

MC: Ahh, well Ive got good news there, Mike. Shes been cheating on you for the last eight months. With Rob actually. Hey guys, knock it off. Seriously. Thats inappropriate. They just high-fived here, Tim. Ill talk to them about that. Anyways, hang tight. Were not completely out of ideas yet. And I've got good news! That checklist you've been working on, uh, your duties? You can stop that now. That was part of the prank. Were going to upload Spider Solitaire to you right now, OK buddy? That should keep you busy. And weve got a dozen guys working on getting you Freecell. Great things are a foot!

-Editors note: What followed next was 43 pages of extremely bitter commentary about a woman named Helen, and many faults she purportedly possessed. In the author's mind she appears to be some sort of mythical beast of legend, sort of like a Hydra. The most concise definition in the extract is a frigid ice bitch with 80 bitchy heads bitching all the Goddamned Time ABOUT BULLSHIT. This section has been removed in the interests of taste and narrative flow. -

___

TRANSCRIPT OF HAB MODULE ARES-1B COMMUNICATION TO HOUSTON- MISSION CONTROL 1114hr 04/27/2009

MC: Hi, Tim. Regarding your transmission, we passed it on to Helen, but I dont believe she read it. I did though. Jesus man, that was some pretty nasty stuff. I mean, I know youre in a bad place, but seriously, that was a real dick move.

______

Journal Entry: May 28, 2009

They asked me to leave the monkey alone, because he was "important." But screw them. Me and Buzz are death row buddies. We are going to have a ton of whimsical adventures while we wait to die, just like that terrible Tom Hanks movie.

Anyways I let him out of his module this morning, and showed him around the main hab. I think I'll try and teach him some games next.

Journal Entry: June 5, 2009

Buzz is super smart, but he seems to be having a lot more difficulty in the zero gravity than myself. Maybe it's because he's so small, but he keeps getting stuck halfway between walls, flailing around and screeching like mad. I had been helping him when he got stuck, but this morning I left him like that, trying to coach him to rescue himself. That turned out to be a mistake. I don't know what they taught that monkey, but it would appear he has a very good grasp on Newtonian mechanics and their application with respect to poo flinging. And I had just gotten this place clean again.

Journal Entry: August 17, 2009

Fuck that monkey. I don't know how he did it, but he got into my locker and took all my pants and wouldn't give them back. Then when I tried to catch them, he ripped them to shreds. This is bad news. It's kind of chilly up here, in fucking space.

For now I'm wearing my extra shirt as pants. This is bullshit. It's like eighth grade gym all over again.

Unpopular astronaut.

______

TRANSCRIPT OF HAB MODULE ARES-1B COMMUNICATION TO HOUSTON- MISSION CONTROL 1114hr 09/23/2009

HM A-1B: Hi, Mike? I think I lost Buzz.

MC: Hows that?

HM A-1B: I put him back in his room last night, and when I returned this morning, he wasnt there. Actually his whole room wasnt there.

MC: Yes, thats normal. That part of the module has detached.

HM A-1B: Detached? Wheres it going?

MC: Once around Mars, then back to Earth. Theres a wealth of scientific information stored in that monkey, Tim. He should have just enough food to make it home.

HM A-1B: But not me.

MC: Yes. Tim, Im going to be level with you. Youve just kind of annoyed a lot of people around here over the years, and on the balance of things, no one here appears to be that sad to see you go. The monkeys great. Everyone loves that little bastard. You should have seen him at the launch party.

HM A-1B: You like the monkey more than you like me.

MC: Dude. Dude. I dont know what it is man. You tell such terrible jokes. And you always laugh at them. Have you ever noticed that? How when you tell a joke, you're the only one laughing, and everyone's standing there uncomfortably, like you're a guy in a funeral procession and your penis just fell out of your pants? And you've got that horrible voice and face. Also a lot of the girls say you make them feel uncomfortable. And that denim jacket.

HM A-1B: That's a pretty comprehensive list.

MC: We've actually got a white board in the conference room here that's been filling up pretty quick.

HM A-1B: I see.

MC: See thats another one! You always say shit like "I see," like youre some kind of smug, morally superior robot. Hey Karen? Can you add smug, morally superior robot to the board?

____

TRANSCRIPT OF HAB MODULE ARES-1B COMMUNICATION TO HOUSTON- MISSION CONTROL 0954hr 09/27/2009

MC: Tim, this is Mike here again. Weve been going over the figures, and we think weve found a plan youll be pretty happy with.

HM A-1B: Go ahead.

MC: Basically, wed like to slam you into Mars while traveling several kilometers per second, and see what happens.

HM A-1B: ...

MC: You still there Tim?

HM A-1B: Fuck you, Mike.

MC: I know that sounds bad, but think it through. Because your other options include starving to death or freezing to death. Plus, this way youll be the first person to set foot on Mars.

MC-2: Hell also be the first person to set knee, arm, shoulder and face on Mars, in extremely rapid succession.

MC: Ron this is a private channel, but excellent point. Yes. So five separate records! Tim, I will look into seeing if we can get all those for you.

_____

TRANSCRIPT OF HAB MODULE ARES-1B COMMUNICATION TO HOUSTON- MISSION CONTROL 1114hr 09/30/2009

MC: Hi, Tim. The Guinness World Record people got back to me, and they said theyll only give you the foot thing. They also said theyre probably going to have to put an asterisk beside it on account of, well, you know.

___

Editor's note: At this point, the communication stream devolves into the word FUCK printed a little over twenty-seven hundred times, and then just the letter F repeated endlessly, as if someone had set something down on a keyboard.

Thanksgiving

2011-10-10T20:49:00.003-04:00

Today, of course, is Canadian Thanksgiving.

I wish you all the best for the season
Of course, any excuse for a nosh up....

The picture? Oh that would be the original thanksgiving, the Baccanalia. Looks like more fun than a bunch of Pilgrims gathered around a plank table eating what the natives dragged in.

Funny Ode to Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

A Poem for Thanksgiving

•

The year has turned its circle,
The seasons come and go.
The harvest all is gathered in
And chilly north winds blow.
Orchards have shared their treasures,
The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway,
Thanksgiving comes again.

[Author: Unknown]

At Grandma's House

I like the taste of turkey
Any time throughout the year
But it never
seems to taste as good
As when Thanksgiving's here.

Could be it's all the trimmings
That are cooked with it to eat-
But I think it's
eating at Grandma's house
That makes it such a treat!

Another Funny Thanksgiving Poem

Turkey Warning

Tell me, Mr. Turkey,
Don't you feel afraid
When you hear us talking
'Bout the plans we've made?

Can't you hear us telling
How we're going to eat
Cranberries and stuffing
With our turkey meat?

Turkey, heed my warning:
Better fly away;
Or you will be sorry
On Thanksgiving day.

A Lovely Thanksgiving Blessing

Thank You For Inviting Us

Thank you for inviting us
To your Thanksgiving dinner.
A day spent in your company
Is invariably a winner.

Thank you for the time you spent
Preparing all the food;
For making us feel welcome,
You have our gratitude!

Poem by Joanna Fuchs

Follow-up
It's not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, that is the true measure of our Thanksgiving. WT Purkiser

More fails

2011-09-29T08:30:00.004-04:00

rat tail.
Gods gift to women...just ask him, he'll tell ya.

Whatever you do, don't say to him "nice sausage!"

This is, like, a failed art project right?

Well, whatever it takes to distract attention from that "pencil moustache", and "pencil van dyke".

Well, if all you got is a butt like a boy, may as well show it off. At least your girlfriend will like like it.

Yeah, get out of the way girls, I'm trying to take a picture of that hunk there with the man purse.

Loose a bet again Larry?

Ready for the party. Remember, no glove no love.
Like the boots though!

Sometimes I am ashamed of being a guy. Then I see this guy and my heart swells with newfound pride.

Hi honey? Miss me? Yup, every shot so far!

Must be hot in that room! Look at they guy in back sweating!

My mother made me a monster. Kuul...if I gave her the wool, would she make me one too?

Pick the egg salad....

fails

2011-09-27T09:42:00.002-04:00

I wonder if they vote.....

Decode this.

2011-09-15T15:38:00.002-04:00

This was on the "Post Secret" blog site. I can't figure it out. Can any of you guys do it?

k. d. Lang

2011-08-12T18:35:00.003-04:00

The incomparable k. d. Lang.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPJkiB2o0sw&feature=related

(turn it up....and close your eyes. Have a tissue handy)

I like this version BECAUSE there is a crowd whistling and stamping, though the announcer's voice over "could" have waited until the end of the song...grin! This version is by far and away the best version I have ever heard. (That includes YOU Rufus Wainright...you slur your words dude!)

Art work

2011-08-05T10:22:00.002-04:00

Real Art work, not the sorta maybe okay stuff I do. This is the real thing. http://www.chopoli.com

These are from the hands of Tatjana Raum, she uses that cool plastic modeling compound mixed with actual items from nature to make, um....dolls. You really ought to check out her web site. I know one person who follows this blog will find some of her fairies in Tatjana's back yard!

camels

2011-08-02T18:13:00.002-04:00

Pei

2011-07-19T18:42:00.001-04:00

Midnight Sunstone

The Girlzilla over at "Peebrain.blogspot.com has been producing some lovely poetry. Like...I know an Iambic Pentameter from a Jacobs Drill Chuck, but for some reason her poetry strikes a spark with me. Here is a sample...entitled Midnight Sunstone....

Not a sapphire or a garnet,
I give you a midnight sunstone.
'tis rarer than diamond and gold.
How I found it, I did not know.
I was walking along a trodden path
When a sparkle caught my eye.
Gleaming red, blue, a fiery white
It lay there, poised for flight.
Legend has that the midnight sunstone
is forged neither by Nature or Man;
but plucked from the depths of all known miseries,
one tear after the next.
I give you this midnight sunstone
Wrapped in a skein of dying stars.
May this regard occlude you from blight
In darkness, love, you shall always have light.

I keep wondering how to make this into a song.
(reprinted by permission.)

The blues.

2011-07-19T18:35:00.001-04:00

singing the blues

Ahhh...in the traditon of stealing only from the best, this was forwarded to me.

Subject: Fw: HOW TO PLAY & SING THE BLUES ----- HOW TO PLAY& SING THE BLUES
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you sticksomething nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with themeanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Thenfind something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest facein town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teethlike Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in aditch. There ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don'ttravel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhoundbus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor poolsain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blueslifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults singthe Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electricchair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace inCanada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinicaldepression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places tohave the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with malepattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not theblues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting iswrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.10. Good places for the Blues:a. Highwayb. Jailhousec. Empty bedd. Bottom of a whiskey glassBad places for the Blues:a. Nordstrom'sb. Gallery openingsc. Ivy League collegesd. Golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. You older than dirt
b. You blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. You have all your teethb. You were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. You have a 401K or trust fund
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woodscannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got aleg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Whiskey or bourbon
c. Muddy water
d. Nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So isthe electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or whilegetting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and Heathercan't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc..)
c. Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) Examples:
Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.
20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot singthe blues

Hot Crysp Chicks

2011-07-19T18:09:00.001-04:00

This was interesting....this arrived in my mailbox with the header "Hot Crysp Chiks". Since I LIKE hot crysp chiks, I naturally opened it, and found this collection of pithy sayings. Kind of a spam blog.... looks like a bunch of quotes. I like number 7...."Abstain from beans" and I have no idea what A s'enterveir actually MEANS. Maybe they are taken from bathroom walls. They remind me of stuff I jotted down in my high school notebooks waiting for the pot fumes to clear. (evil grin!)

A s'enterveir

You are either part of the solution or part of the problem.

To do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world, the most difficult and the most intellectual.
I wept not, so to stone within I grew.

Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch.

There is something good in all seeming failures. You are not to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient.

The gods sell to us all the goods which they give us.

Abstain from beans.

Might, could, would --they are contemptible auxiliaries.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.The roads we take are more important than the goals we announce. Decisions determine destiny.

Better Counsel comes overnight.

Undermining experience, embellishing experience, rearranging and enlarging experience into a species of mythology.

Action conquers fear.

A picture is a poem without words.

We only think when we are confronted with problems.

From Paul to Stalin, the popes who have chosen Caesar have prepared the way for Caesars who quickly learn to despise popes.

There is a sort of exotic preposterousness about a lot of elections, the way arguments are made even cruder.

The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions.

Yes, the observant among you will remember I posted this list many years ago.
I really don't think it has grown stale though.
And I STILL don't know who "hot crysp chicks" is.

Penquins

2011-07-11T15:01:00.001-04:00

I never knew this.
Penguins

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins

on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic

bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will

mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of

compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members

of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes

in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is

deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle

around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Then they kick him in the ice hole."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!

Songs for a Tuesday Morning

2011-06-28T06:36:00.002-04:00

The sexy and talented Vanessa Mae playing the glass violin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eCvTx5nDDA&feature=related

A remarkable departure from the long gowns and conservatism of the usual classical music virtuoso.

On the other hand...her ?Sabre Dance" is startling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANZ45vCCUe0&feature=related

The Ballad of Lucy Jordan

2011-06-20T14:02:00.002-04:00

The incomparable Dennis Locorriere....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0KsK-Ftzpg

Of course Marrianne Faithful popularized it in this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTubdcCiIms&feature=related

Do you think Helena Hettema does this song better?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTubdcCiIms&feature=related

D Day. 67th anniversary

2011-06-07T06:45:00.008-04:00

steam punk clocks and Beethoven

2011-05-31T12:42:00.003-04:00

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/wierd-music-clock-10959

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/does-beethoven-s-fifth-work-with-salsa-music-5622

(How I spent my Tuesday afternoon....)

(Well, it was either that or mow the lawn!!!!)

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/intense-guitar-song-tamacun-9123
And someday I will learn to play guitar like this!!!

But the Smokey Mountain Breakdown by a couple of young fellas who should be in school (or on stage!) makes my jaw drop! Jonny Mizone...you will be in the Grand Ole Opry within the year sure!

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/8-year-old-jonny-mizone-22891

Bears.....

2011-05-31T01:57:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE8JaXH0qiw&feature=player_embedded#at=13

Yup...bears....

Peter's evil overlord list.

2011-05-25T09:52:00.002-04:00

The following are from Peter's Evil Overlord List. Peter was watching Deep Space Nine one day and started compiling a list of things he will NEVER DO if his career choice of becoming an Evil Overlord comes about. He came up with 100 plot devices which are overused/stupid/unlikely, all of which resulted in the demise of the Evil Overlord.
Some, like making sure the ventilation ducting is too small to crawl through seem obvious. Others, like the requirement that all Evil plans be gone over by a grade five kid seem to be pure genius.

You can read all of Peter's list here....
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

Here are a few to whet your appetite.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

Squirrel of the wild

2011-05-11T15:28:00.000-04:00

Squeek and his brother...together at last!

awww, in't he cute!

Climbs like a pro! Look at that bushy tail!

So he still comes home from time to time to check out the peanut situation.

More ninja martial arts...hmmm

2011-05-10T10:18:00.001-04:00

http://www.tekbuz.com/hot-martial-arts-chick-nikki-stanley/79648

This is Nikki Stanley. Don't let the drop dead good looks fool you. One kick and its YOU that drops dead.

Toccatta and Fugue in D minor

2011-05-01T21:11:00.003-04:00

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/glass-harp-toccata-and-fugue-in-d-minor-bach-15645

And I'll be damned if I know how to take this fellow! Seems like a clown, but wotta clown!!!!

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/amazing-street-artist-14264

and then of course...for something "Completely Different!" a traditional Chinese folk dance....
Just to complete your "OMFG" evening!

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/chinese-hands-17796

Journey to an alternate reality

2011-04-29T00:23:00.002-04:00

http://www.videobash.com/video_show/sexy-dangerous-sai-6108

All that skill and looks too! Oh my!
Excellent performance.

Red Squirrels

2011-04-21T18:52:00.003-04:00

This cute little baby just jumped up onto my lap this morning...looking for his momma I expect. She no doubt told him to get out of the house while he still knows everything! He was awfully hungry and thirsty! I could not really abandon him outside since it was snow mixed with drizzle out there right now. He would have just keeled over and perished. So I caged him and gave him some water and granola and a bed for the night.
He was very lethargic and slow moving...you can see that in the pictures above. Normally a squirrel would be moving too fast to register on a film! Very hungry....almost skin and bones!
So this little fella is a pet for now....and I'll let him out into the pumpkin patch when the weather turns milder. There are still lots of seeds left over from the great pumpkin massacre for a little fellow like that to snack on.

He looks rather field mouse like...except for his size....and the beginnings of what will be a very bushy tail. And those clawed feet! Oh my! The red squirrels are really pretty, and all in all are smaller than the usual run of squirrels around here. You can see the red just coming in at the back of his head.

Flight of the bumblebee

2011-04-12T14:08:00.000-04:00

http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2011/02/17

John Tams...Over the Hills

2011-04-09T22:45:00.001-04:00

This is the tune I am working on. Trying to get the words right.

Trouble is, I get into grooving it so much that I forget that I am trying to memorize it!!!

Thats good right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Fy3tSim3to&feature=related

(Turn up up louder!)

Aimee's 12 pair of legs

2011-04-03T22:04:00.002-04:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/aimee_mullins_prosthetic_aesthetics.html

Aimee Mullins, the inventor of the "cheetah" legs for amputees talks about future plans.

And on a related note...all you "Starship Troopers" out there can take heart in this talk about human augmentation.

http://www.ted.com/talks/eythor_bender_demos_human_exoskeletons.html

The guy's name is Bender! No kidding!

Another pair of jaw droppers from the TED talks.

Everybody

2011-03-26T01:32:00.004-04:00

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
— Albert Einstein

More Doctor Hook

2011-03-22T17:18:00.002-04:00

Trouble is...Doctor Hook was, and still is really addictive. This great band put to music poems from Shel Siverstein to make some of the most intense songs of the '70s and '80s. Last concert I saw was after they had come so far down in the world that they were playing at the Coach House Motor Inn in North Bay Ontario. Which to me just goes to show that great music, and great poetry just does not sell.

I mean, listen to this one...the "Ballad of Lucy Jordan". And tell me you don't get a catch in your throat. (This one always brings a tear to MY eyes!)

Sheldon Silverstein was a great, some would suggest THE greatest hippie poet of the '70s. He was a regular staple in Playboy Magazine where he would write songs and ballads about mundane things like Lucy Jordan, and wild amazing rides about dicing with the Devil. (And the devil said, with a grin, now YOUR point is thirteen.) and in other, more mainstream magazines. He was Uncle Shelby to all you folks who grew up in the 70's. But when those poems were turned into music by a competent rockabilly band with a lead singer with a catch in his throat, you get "Carry me Carrie".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZXjUu5HWYE&feature=related

But you might prefer a lighter version of the same song...lots more pot smoke on the stage...grin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xesfuK83mJI&feature=related

Shel was a singer himself. He liked kids and did a lot of songs for kids. And he was a regular on the Johnny Carson show, among others. One of his most famous songs was made famous by Johnny Cash....he wrote "a boy named Sue".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17XUOQRwbdo&NR=1&feature=fvwp

This is one of his personal favorites....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e5ZVIpB4sw

Shel passed away on 10 May 1999. He WON'T rest in peace... Because every time I feel down, he drags me back into the light.

Doctor Hook

2011-03-10T21:42:00.003-05:00

Thursday night blues.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Bor5z6RuQ4&feature=related

And baby makes her blue jeans talk...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iYpboTjtoQ&feature=related

And we all know Sylvia's Mother.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvRVekhMf88&feature=fvwrel

And one from Jesse Coulter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVs-d4eBq9k&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Crime doesn't pay

2011-03-09T19:04:00.001-05:00

Crime doesn't pay. Yeah right!!!!!

Proceeds from a drug operation. Crikey!

Odd pictures...

2011-02-18T10:15:00.004-05:00

A wonderful site called "Don't judge my Hair." Okay, I won't then.

And then of course, just odd outfits.

Makes ya think.

Makes ya run away fast!

Yup...a gift. Its a gift!!!

And it leaves one with questions that I don't really want any answers for!

Steam Punk

2011-01-30T22:51:00.003-05:00

You can still get these stoves from the Spencerville Stove Store. They also run on natural gas and if you really want,you can get them that run on wood!

Bruce and Melanie Rosenbaum from Massachusetts have restored their house into a steampunk home called ModVic (Modern Victorian) Home. Every corner of the house and every piece of furniture has some steampunk features and materials: wood carvings, moving gears, steel, iron and brass decorations. Isn’t it amazing?

Steam punk keyboard made into a computer keyboard.

More of this fantastic house here... http://www.rudepalace.com/amazing-steampunk-house/?utm_source=avalanchers.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=avalanchers

This house is steam punked to a fare thee well. Very very impressive, and no end in site! I have often wondered if there would be a future in making old radios into modern stereo systems and old typewriters into computer keyboards. What do you think? Would YOU drop a half a grand on an Olivetti typewriter which was actually a concealed keyboard?

Auctions Imperial 2011

2011-01-10T10:52:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Auctions Imperial!

We are pleased to announce our March 19, 2011 sale, which will include a fine selection of antique arms and armor, including helmets, shields, and mail coats to swords, daggers, axes, maces, rifles, muskets and pistols. Europe, China, Russia, the Middle East, Persia, India, Indonesia and the American Civil War are represented-- from a fine Imperial Russian Dagger presented to a hero of the Crimean War, to an important 15th century Italian broadsword, a superior Mughal lacquered hide shield to an ivory-hilted Karabela saber, American sabers and Cossack shashkas, there's something for everyone.

Visit our website to view a recent television interview with our director at www.auctionsimperial.com

We will continue to accept consignments until the end of December, any questions please email us at info@auctionsimperial.com

happy holidays,

Auctions Imperial

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T17:58:00.001-05:00

Another Christmas!!!
So whats it about eh?

Christmas is about walking along the Green Line in Cyprus and hearing a Moslem Turk calling over to us "Merry Christmas my good friend!". Christmas is about cookies and cakes and family get togethers. Christmas is about a sweet smelling tree, and Turkish Delight and strong coffee with cinnamon in it and a fat guy in a red suit.
Christmas is about kids, dogs, and turkeys. (Make sure you eat the right one.)

Christmas is often considered a holiday only for some cult called Christians. That some Christians seem to feel that it is the most important date. It is not, of course, Easter is. The early church fathers stole the birthdate of Mithras and applied it to their own guy, added the story of the birth of the Egyptian God Isis, and built a nonsense story about shepherds and angels and other items of superstition. The story does not even stand up to a superficial examination...how could Jesus be descended from the line of David and still be impregnated magically? How come a bunch of shepherds? Why not a mayor of maybe an innkeeper? Nah...cute story, but you know, it doesn't really make the slightest difference whether the story is "technically" real or not. Like the answer to Virginia who asked if Santa Claus was real, the fact is that Santa Claus, or for that matter, angels, and shepherds and virgin births are all incredibly real, as real as the emotions and feelings of the people involved. As real as a dream of success. As real as the emotions you feel at the sounding of the "last post". As real as the ghosts who walk these walls of Nicocea this fine Christmas eve.
As I write this, it is just midnight, on a Christmas eve in Cyprus. The weather is turning cold, and people are shivering in marquee tents outside Heathrow airport, and running from the risk of collapsing airport roofs in Paris. And they are singing Christmas carols. Some songs are sweet, and faint on the breeze, some off key and as ugly as they are heartfelt. All are welcome.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope that all have enough to eat, and it it my fondest wish that the new year will find you and your loyal family free from evil.

Bill

Folk songs

2010-12-11T14:20:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nLM0azB0H0&feature=related

Video web sites...

2010-11-30T19:01:00.003-05:00

Will be the death of me yet!!

Playing cosplay with my heart...
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1944172

Extreme sports. Not for the faint of heart!
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1942994

and for those with memories of the great pumkin massacre here at the forge...
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1942978
I believe they used a Chevette....

And for Star Wars fans...
The Imperial March. Done by Bethoven
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1942932

And just in case you had any lingering doubts
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1942847

Brick laying machine

2010-11-16T00:16:00.002-05:00

http://inhabitat.com/2010/11/15/amazing-brick-machine-rolls-out-roads-like-carpet/new-4-100/

This link will take you to the most impressive new "toy" I have seen in years. It is "brick laying machine". A very simple device which allows the workers to stand upright, and slot the brick pavers in without nearly as much effort!

Of course, the real work never WAS in the brick laying itself, but rather in the sawing, shaping, and fitting of odd sized pavers. But this device takes care of the bulk of it.

Check out the link! Its pretty stunning!

Stay Thirsty My Friends

2010-11-02T10:56:00.004-04:00

He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetised it.

People hang on his every word. Even the prepositions.

Police often question him, just because they find him interesting.

Enemies list him as their emergency contact.

He’s a lover… Not a fighter. But he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.

At a bachelorette auction, he brought in over 13 million euros, under the table.

At the Running of the Bulls, he has ridden the lead bull.

If he were to punch you in the face, you’d have to fight off the urge to thank him.

The pheromones he secretes affect people miles away… in a slight, but measurable way.

He is the life of parties he has never attended.

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.

He speaks fluent French. In Russian.

His legend precedes him, as lightning precedes thunder.

His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.

If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would arrive with apologies from the post office.

When he goes for a swim, dolphins compete for the privilege of swimming near him.

Years ago, he created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.

(This pile of self serving drivel is shamelessly ripped off from
http://www.themostinterestingmanintheworld.net/the-most-interesting-man-in-the-world-quotes-top-10/)

Costumed Warriors

2010-10-28T19:30:00.008-04:00

Okay. I admit it. Not a warrior. Please click on these gems to enlarge though!

I wonder where I can get a "Death Star" floatie like that!!!

Hmmm. Don't mess with them.

Red Sonja.
Black widow. Its a trap guys!!!

I always suspected....

And Red Sonja again, with Captain Hook!

Prrrrrr.

Urban Warriors.... No, not warrior, but scary none the less!

Now thats just cute!

Those are, what...hub caps!!!! Oh my!

More scary!!!

Just as scary but in a FAR different way!

Nice pussy.....

There is something about a babe in a Mad Max autogyro!
Daleks.
More Daleks.
Oh, lordy!!!! That was a seriously bad dream. Wasn't it? Wasn't it?

Ack! More Daleks. Even MORE dangerous Daleks!

Why don't I get invited to these parties?

There's something about a Jabba the Hutt girl.

Halloween is coming!

2010-10-28T19:21:00.003-04:00

Sommerset Street

2010-10-18T21:01:00.003-04:00

I love this picture...the gold maple leaves have brown borders. It is a mural showing a dragon scampering across Sommerset Street, playing within an arch. See the big glass building in back? Now look below at the real arch. It took six months and several million dollars, and a couple of dozen Chinese craftsmen to build it.

Below are nice guard dogs, and some very smug looking dragons.

DeMotivational posters

2010-10-18T09:46:00.000-04:00

I knew it! The monkeys are running the zoo!

Like the guy said...never mind.

Oh come on. Thats me on a good day!

Cmon dude, he's not THAT ugly. And whatcha gonna say, "He has poor taste in clothes when you are wearing THAT"?

Speechless.....

Ship tour

2010-10-03T06:58:00.000-04:00

The "Fredricton" was in Cornwall last weekend on a good will tour, and opened itself to the public. This is a Canadian Frigate. It is used for sovereignty patrols, pirate hunting both domestic and abroad, and search and rescue operations. It was up the St. Lawrence river last weekend showing the flag, and they opened it up to the public.

The big anchor chains were all beautifully painted. Paint. Yup. Always lots of painting to do on a ship.

The radar array looks like it came out of the cold war. Which, come to think of it, is true enough.

View looking forward. That deck gun doesn't look like much, but it is plenty dangerous. Its not the size of the projectile anymore, but rather, the fancy types of munitions you can use to do the job. The modern projectiles can do the kind of damage with a juice can sized shell that it used to take a car sized shell to perform. The rate of fire, radar accuracy, and fancy stuff on the sharp end more than makes up for sheer power. Besides, this is a frigate, not a battle ship. The biggest thing we have faced on the sea in the last half century is a smuggler!

If they need to stop, oh, say, an incoming rocket, there are ways to stop it. In fact, the Frigates are able to stop most any attack from most any platform...they fairly bristle with ordinance. Mostly grey, unobtrusive stuff which can take a rogue wave and come back fighting.

I asked them why these rocket launchers launched across the middle of the ship. They told me that they did that so that the rocket blast didn't burn the deck. I should have thought of that.

Nice shiney bell. Brasso is still the sailor's greatest enemy, and the deck officer's greatest friend.

Cold rainy day. Warm welcome onto a Canadian Destroyer.

Fresh back from the pirate chasing. Showing the flag. An excellent time was had by all.

Understanding Engineers.

2010-09-27T23:14:00.002-04:00

Understanding Engineers:
One (my favourite)
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

The good ship Venus

2010-09-25T23:18:00.000-04:00

McLean and McLean, the North Atlantic Squadron

2010-09-25T22:24:00.003-04:00

Its all in fun...and perfect for a festive Saturday night!

Old soldiers never die....

2010-09-19T21:17:00.002-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjxsFH7qngQ&feature=related

Not quite sure what to make of this video. Makes me think I would like to try to find some of the wine they make there.

On a less serious note, here is some footage of the toughest, most dangerous special forces organization in the world. Makes the British SAS and the Legion Estrangaire seem like boy scouts!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50f6HoZb5qM&feature=related

More Fan Expo pictures

2010-09-05T11:17:00.000-04:00

The batmobile was there. As far as I can see, Adam West never even looked at it, though of course, he was there along with Burt Ward.

Lovely.

A couple of random chicks in chain mail checking out my swords.

Girls just having fun.

Darth Vader posing with a lego replica of himself.

And Jeff posing with a lego Bobba Fett. They must have glued those arms together!

Pregnant at Fan Expo

2010-09-05T11:06:00.000-04:00

Holly of course, had her baby on Sunday right here in Ottawa, but she told me that she was seriously thinking of going to Fan Expo, perhaps dressed as the "death star".

(Okay, its the inevitable result of long cold nights on Tatooine and a squadron of storm troopers.)

And it looks like Supergirl found some trouble. So Mandrake the Magician told you it was his magic wand did he? Right.

Fan Expo Pictures

2010-09-05T10:58:00.000-04:00

Lots and lots of tattoos. Most are fairly standard, but these sort of stood out. The sleeping fairy above and the noose in the attic window below. Hmmm. Is the fairy really sleeping, or is she, like tinkerbelle, dying like the leaves in the fall? Click on the image to enlarge, as usual.

It seems a girl thing to get really interesting tattoos. Guys don't have a fashion sense I guess. Case in point is below.

Not quite sure what they are doing here. But it looks nice. The pretty corset and lace skirt don't really go with the cloche hat and brolly, but hey, one could imagine them stepping out of a Mike Hammer murder mystery!

Had to look twice to be sure this fella really was in a costume. Come to think of it, I'm still not sure. Tell me what YOU think!

Mind you, I was there pushing my sexy armour. Fortunately, I had no trouble finding sexy ladies to pose for me. (funny that!)

Doesn't she look demure with that knife in her hand!

Tess looks good in chain mail. That was my top, but her belt-bottom was all hers.

And those who haunt my archives remember seeing the lovely Ashley some years ago at the Renaissance Festival.

More later...grin!

Let there be cake

2010-09-03T12:10:00.000-04:00

Brenda made this cake. Well, that and she decorated the cake. Those are her roses.
Now THATS artistic. Believe it or not, this is her first time doing this!

I am so proud of her!

She used "butter cream icing" instead of the usual dead dull stuff they usually use on cakes. So these ended up being remarkably tasty as well as looking a treat!
We had been watching episodes of "Cake Boss" and noted that Buddy uses Butter Cream icing almost exclusively. So nobody can tell me that its not as good. And as you can see in the above pictures (when you enlarge them) that BC is a little too soft in most cases, not as crisp as the no-taste stuff the cake decorating books recommend. Perhaps a chilled room would be a good idea. I notice that Buddy puts his cakes in the refrigerator a lot, even when he is working on them.

(I don't know what it is about professional bakeries...they no longer seem to put out tasty treats any more...they are all about pectin glaze, shortening icing, and overly sweet stuff. And they wonder why their clientelle are falling off.)

Fan Expo

2010-09-01T10:48:00.001-04:00

The Fan Expo comes around every year. We did well this year...darn near sold out of stock. Thats a good thing. There were a lot of problems....the day was stinking hot, and the lineups were sometimes very very long. Even the convention centre had problems....the security personnel limited every venue at one time or another simply because of the huge number of people exceeded fire marshal requirements. (The Fan Expo web site has posted an apology). On Saturday morning, the lineup stretched from the CN Tower to Union Station four deep. The lineup to see Summer Glau never got less than 100, and you had to buy tickets to get into line for Bill Shatner. I didn't see very many short lineups for autographs....last year there were times when some of the celebrities were twiddling their thumbs, but not this year.
The guests of honour were many and varied...from William Shatner to Ernest Borgnine.

Doug Sneyd was there again this year. He was one of the old guard at Playboy magazine...(if you look closely at the enlarged picture above, you can see some of his work.. his remarkable and easily recognized pencil art decorated the magazine from 1962 until the present. Above, I am posing with Doug and Tess.

This is a better picture of Tess Jewell, the brilliant, and remarkably decorative lass who spent the weekend showing off my beautiful armour. I did not succeed in getting any firm commissions, but the year is young....she handed out more than five hundred business cards to interested Zena wannabes.

I'll post some more pictures when I get my camera charged....grin!

Rules of writing....

2010-08-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

Ahhh....gotta love that interweb thing. Such a lot of information, pretty much at my fingertips! Of course, like walking into the biggest library in the world, you STILL have to use a roadmap. Or you can do what I do, and rely on friendly natives to direct you.
Today, I was taken to an essay by "zornhau" (like me, a fighter in a Western Martial Arts club so you KNOW he is on the side of the angels) in which he rants rather eloquently upon Clarke's aphorism that "a sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". Zornhau does not necessarily agree with this...since he often feels that magic, even "technological star wars like magic, is simply the author taking easy way out. This is a cut and paste sample of his essay (for review purposes)...I urge you to visit his blog to get the rest.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.(From The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord)

We all laugh at the crap evil overlords of TV and cinema Fantasy. We tolerate them because – like 1970s gays embracing their own particular reading of Batman – we’re pathetically grateful for whatever bones mainstream culture deigns to toss our way.

This, however, is not true of printed Fantasy. The budding - mostly wannabe – author might argue, “But it’s Fantasy – I can make anything happen if it’s cool.”

We respond, “But your novel is a heap of offal.”

If we’re sober, and asked politely, we might expand on this statement:

If your Evil Overlord does not exploit his every possible advantage, then we cease to believe in him (if he’s so stupid, how come he got to be an Evil Overlord), and the hero’s victory is unearned – and sometimes both.

If we cease to believe in the Evil Overlord, then our suspension of disbelief collapses, and we are catapulted out of the story. In other words, you have failed to achieve Verisimilitude.

If the hero’s victory is unearned, then any deeper themes are undermined or invalidated, so your story is devoid of Truth. This bears some explanation.

For example, if you want to say that bravery and ingenuity will prevail, you have to put the hero in situations where his bravery is convincingly tested and his ingenuity stretched to its limits. A backdoor raid on the Evil Overlord’s castle, opposed only by inept uncoordinated minions, neither tests nor stretches.

If the reader spots this lack of Truth, then the story merely feels thin. If your fine writing carries them along… well then I’m afraid you’re a liar, cheating in order to teach fallacious and dangerous life lessons, such as “If you stand up to a bully, they back down.” (Like fuck they do, but we’ll come to that.)

Thus, though you have a lot of freedom in your world building, if you want to attain Truth and Verisimilitude, the Evil Overlord must behave authentically.

This is the sort of authenticity which matters.

OK (says budding wannabe). I get the point. I’ll make my Evil Overlord act like he’s played by an experienced roleplayer. Now shut up, I have to write this bit where the plucky ploughboy sneaks into the castle using an ingenious scheme and then faces off with the Evil Overlord’s chief henchman guy man-to-man, and uses his manly strength and faith to prevail…meanwhile the Princess is using a cunning device to disorder the Legions of Doom so that the peasants can defeat them. Then- Ouch! Ouch! Stop hitting me. Ouch! I mean it. Oof! (Thud)

These things - castles, swords, military drill - you treat as mere props or amusing eccentricities are, unless explicitly stated otherwise, tools of established technologies (by which I mean systems of practical knowledge comprising know-how and the tool to exploit that know-how).

If your hero can easily get into a well guarded-castle, then building a castle and setting up sentries is a waste of time. If your untrained hero can defeat an experienced swordsman, then experience and training count for nothing. If a few cheap tricks with rope break up the serried ranks of veteran Legionaries, then all military training is stupid.

In short, if you write these things, then you are implying that the results of years of experiment and experience can be overcome by a few cheap tricks, and that 90% of human systematic endeavor is futile. Faith and bravery are all.

Is that what you really want to say? On some level, readers with any worldly wisdom will pick up on your improbably world view and - POP! - there goes your verisimilitude and any sense of depth.

The rest of this very entertaining essay is here,

Zornhau expands on his theme in a series of lectures about "Merlin's Miraculous Snake Oil"

And of course his note that writing with too much phoney baloney tech-magic will simply become comedic. A term he refers to as "Dinotech", a Flintstones reference...

It is rare to see writing ABOUT writing which is non-pedantic, and entertaining.

Ribfest Ottawa 2010

2010-08-18T11:23:00.000-04:00

What crowds! What smoke!

Me, Jeff, Dan and Nadia

Traci, Lisa, Andrew and Silvia

Not a good place for a vegetarian!

The smoke was pretty intense. We left rib fest with clogged lungs and clogged arteries.

Clearly a good time was had by all!

concrete moulds.

2010-08-16T12:48:00.000-04:00

Found this the other day when I was debating about building a drive way for my car. They are moulds for "concrete stone", this set is called the "castle mould" set. I don't think they are so great for driving on, or shoveling snow off of, but they seem very smurfy to use as siding!

http://www.themoldstore.com/Castle_Stone_Molds.html

William Tenn

2010-08-12T09:13:00.000-04:00

William Tenn died last February, and the world lost an excellent SF author.
Tenn always had a lot to say about the "human condition". One of MY favorite authors, he is most famous for "Of Men and Monsters", a short story he made into a novel about he we will make it to space some day, not as Star Trek conquerors of the universe, but rather as pests in the walls of great spaceships...rather like the way rats traveled to Europe on board ships.

Better people than me have interviewed Mr. Tenn over the years, this is one of the best....Its not a long interview, but too long to cut and paste in here....besides, that would be unfair to the author. Please vist the astounding artifacts blog and check out the interview. You will be glad you did!

http://astoundingartifacts.blogspot.com/2010/02/died-legendary-science-fiction-author.html

Heather Dale and Stan Rogers

2010-08-11T13:27:00.000-04:00

My two favorite musical artists have GOT to be Heather Dale and Stan Rogers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2QKKUPwbqE

(Heather Dale being spooky!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsuKM-oV_AE&feature=related

This is the one that I sing when I am teaching swordfighting...inside voice of course...

But for witchy songs, its hard to beat Archie Fisher. Here is a version of Witch of the Westmorland as sung by Stan Rogers. The Canadian accent really doesn't work for this song, but for a bass singer, he is hard to beat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqGv2l5bJr4&feature=related

Thats not his best though...I think his best is "The Mary Ellen Carter", he is at his best with songs that he has sung himself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NPuBEZPgjY&feature=related

Hope you enjoy this little selection as much as I enjoyed yours!

Green Tea.

2010-08-02T12:19:00.001-04:00

Green Tea. Is there nothing it cannot do? (There, I changed the link...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y96-EPNQ_5Y

Synchronized swimming

2010-07-29T22:27:00.003-04:00

Looks like the South Tower Armouring Guild practicing their sword routine....

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=improveverywhere&annotation_id=annotation_753250&feature=iv#p/u/53/ggm_j_6jgTc

I am sure we can do better...grin!

Say, something like this....

The Surgeon General Says...

2010-07-24T10:48:00.001-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/video/new-antismoking-ads-warn-teens-its-gay-to-smoke,14373/

Flash mobs

2010-07-23T10:58:00.000-04:00

Improve Everywhere.

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=improveverywhere&annotation_id=annotation_753250&feature=iv#p/u/23/WnY59mDJ1gg

Road work continues

2010-07-21T07:54:00.001-04:00

Well at least after today, I'll have a sidewalk in front of my house.

Malta Busses

2010-07-15T09:06:00.002-04:00

The busses in the Republic of Malta are not "cast offs" from England but rather, were state of the art when they arrived. Diesel engines that last for ever, and a frame which can withstand years of use even over rough roads. Malta's roads are not rough, (although people complain about them incessantly!) because they are built on rock, and its true that like everything in Malta, there is just not enough money available to do ALL the repairs, even though the need repairs a lot less than say, Canada, with its frost which lifts the metalling. I don't think a Canadian bus would have such beautiful chrome by this time...the road salt would have pretty much put paid to it! Click on the image of that nice old Ford and marvel at the hood ornament. Its a long way from Detroit!

You enter the bus on its left, because Malta, like Cyprus, follows British rules of the road. The driver is on the right hand side.
There are more modern busses gradually phasing in to replace these old "bone shakers", but as the owners (they are all privately owned) say, "this one is paid for".

So this is quaintness in its best and most functional form.

Citizen Article

2010-07-05T11:10:00.000-04:00

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/million/Soundslide+Knight/3216280/story.html?tab=VID

Siftables

2010-06-28T09:51:00.000-04:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/david_merrill_demos_siftables_the_smart_blocks.html