Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Quantanamo Bay
I did not know how many great songs came out of American Occupied Cuba.
Oh, sure, there was always Oscar Brand's Gitmo....
and of course Gil Richard sings calypso style about what very nearly became the end of the world as we know it.
It was always a favorite of that sex crazed English spy Ian Flemming
Smile!
When chemists die, they barium.
a.. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
b.. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any
time.
c.. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
d.. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
e.. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never
met herbivore.
f.. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
g.. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
h.. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
i.. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
j.. We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's
no pop quiz.
k.. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
l.. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn't control her pupils?
m.. When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
n.. Broken pencils are pointless.
o.. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
p.. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
q.. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
r.. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
s.. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
t.. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The
police have nothing to go on.
u.. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
v.. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
w.. Velcro, what a rip off!
x.. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
y.. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
z.. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
aa.. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
- - - -
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honour of the Canadian Senate.
It will be named the "Senator".
It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
- - - -
A Torontonian walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a
guy close by wearing a Newfie Ball cap, and two beer in front of him.
He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Newfie.
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear,
"Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Newf over there."
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Newf gives him a big smile,
waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the Torontonian.
The Torontonian once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the
Newf.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Newfie.
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The Torontonian once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the
Newf.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Newfie.
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The Torontonian asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that
Newf?
I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all
the silly bugger does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
- - - -
A woman from Canada applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be
far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any
actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
"I've been divorced three times, owned 3 Plymouths, rooted for the Maple
Leafs, and I voted for Harper.
- - - -
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to
her and said, "Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no
Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but
a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you
don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
- - - -
Subject: Chinese Doctor's Advice Could Save Your Life
You WILL Love This Doctor! (HE is my new GURU!)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually.
Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life
of car by driving faster.
Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you
get even more of goodness that way.
Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact,
they permeated by it.
How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not!
When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.
You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable!
It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.
a.. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
b.. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any
time.
c.. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
d.. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
e.. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never
met herbivore.
f.. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
g.. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
h.. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
i.. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
j.. We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's
no pop quiz.
k.. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
l.. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn't control her pupils?
m.. When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
n.. Broken pencils are pointless.
o.. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
p.. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
q.. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
r.. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
s.. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
t.. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The
police have nothing to go on.
u.. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
v.. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
w.. Velcro, what a rip off!
x.. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
y.. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
z.. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
aa.. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
- - - -
Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honour of the Canadian Senate.
It will be named the "Senator".
It doesn't work and you can't fire it.
- - - -
A Torontonian walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a
guy close by wearing a Newfie Ball cap, and two beer in front of him.
He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Newfie.
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear,
"Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Newf over there."
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Newf gives him a big smile,
waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the Torontonian.
The Torontonian once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the
Newf.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Newfie.
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The Torontonian once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the
Newf.
As before, this does not seem to bother the Newfie.
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"
The Torontonian asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that
Newf?
I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all
the silly bugger does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
- - - -
A woman from Canada applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be
far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any
actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
"I've been divorced three times, owned 3 Plymouths, rooted for the Maple
Leafs, and I voted for Harper.
- - - -
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to
her and said, "Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no
Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but
a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you
don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
- - - -
Subject: Chinese Doctor's Advice Could Save Your Life
You WILL Love This Doctor! (HE is my new GURU!)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually.
Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life
of car by driving faster.
Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you
get even more of goodness that way.
Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact,
they permeated by it.
How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not!
When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.
You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable!
It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what
kills you.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
RIP
Jon Lord and Bob Babbitt just passed away.
Its okay if you don't know their names. Just as long as you love the music of Deep Purple and Gladys Knight.
Clearly God needed a good keyboardist and Bass Player in his band.....
Its okay if you don't know their names. Just as long as you love the music of Deep Purple and Gladys Knight.
Clearly God needed a good keyboardist and Bass Player in his band.....
Saturday, July 28, 2012
You tube...again
A compilation of stupid gun tricks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=vexEwZKlDdg&NR=1
(check out 1:30 for a very interesting mix of French and English...only in Quebec!)
(yeah I know...I am on the silly part of youtube again...grin!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uqD8Ja6IZ0&feature=related
and still more stupidity....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=dmtOEI7sAAs&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=vexEwZKlDdg&NR=1
(check out 1:30 for a very interesting mix of French and English...only in Quebec!)
(yeah I know...I am on the silly part of youtube again...grin!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uqD8Ja6IZ0&feature=related
and still more stupidity....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=dmtOEI7sAAs&NR=1
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Confusius did NOT say...
CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets
exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
A nurse....a lesson
A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in
palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.
She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai,
which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book
called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end
of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom.
"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life
others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life
is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many
dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of
their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had
made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no
longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed.
They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.
Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation,
many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on
the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they
were truly capable of becoming.
Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they
carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until
their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.
Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden
friendships slip by over the years.
There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and
effort that they deserved.
Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that
happiness is a choice.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of
familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.
Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they
were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have
silliness in their life again."
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in
palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.
She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai,
which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book
called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end
of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom.
"When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life
others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life
is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many
dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of
their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had
made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no
longer have it."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed.
They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship.
Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation,
many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on
the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they
were truly capable of becoming.
Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they
carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until
their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down.
Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden
friendships slip by over the years.
There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and
effort that they deserved.
Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that
happiness is a choice.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of
familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.
Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they
were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have
silliness in their life again."
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Monday, July 02, 2012
Happy Canada Day...Canthem
Canada Day Canthem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBI68Il4Zsc&feature=player_embedded
Take me home...its drunk out tonight.
hic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBI68Il4Zsc&feature=player_embedded
Take me home...its drunk out tonight.
hic
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Pink Floyd Live in Pompeii
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNPuvOuDmKg&feature=related
An hour of Pink Floyd. In Pompeii of all places!
Relaxing music, and some awesome eye candy.
An hour of Pink Floyd. In Pompeii of all places!
Relaxing music, and some awesome eye candy.
Friday, June 15, 2012
recycling
Recycling firm turns cigarette butts into pallets
TerraCycle rolls out program to turn cigarette waste into industrial-use pallets
TerraCycle, a firm that reuses and reprocesses hard-to-recycle waste, has launched its Cigarette Waste Brigade program, which diverts cigarette butts—along with plastic and foil cigarette packaging—from landfills and uses them to make pallets for industrial shipping.
“I’m personally very excited about cigarette butts because it’s a landmark waste stream,” said TerraCycle founder Tom Szaky. “It’s a massive litter issue.”
According to Szaky, TerraCycle set out with three goals in mind: recycle cigarette butts; recycle used chewing gum; and recycle used diapers.
“Our basic premise is a simple one,” Szaky said, “we make things that are not recyclable … recyclable.”
The ball got rolling early with the cigarette butt program, but look for a chewing gum initiative in Brazil and a used diaper plan in U.S., to be launched by year-end.
Exclusive to Canada, the cigarette recycling program banks on the initiative of individuals, businesses and anti-litter groups to collect the discarded waste and send it to TerraCycle in increments of up to 70-lbs. per package, free of charge.
Once the butts arrive at a TerraCycle facility in Toronto they are sanitized through a radiation process, shredded and separated: organic material goes through specialty composting and made into compost, with the plastic melted down into pellets for industrial use.
According to Szaky, the plastic is safe for multipurpose use, though his company would rather not take any chances.
“The plastic we’ve tested independently at labs … is proven to be safe but to be extremely careful from our end—because we want to just be very, very cautious about this—we’re only allowing the plastic to go into industrial uses,” he said.
From there the pellets are sent to a pallet manufacturer in the northern U.S., where they are melted down and formed into an alternative pallet to the traditional wood or virgin plastic products used across the continent and around the globe.
“We aren’t a plastic pallet company,” Szaky said. “There’s already a huge plastic pallet industry out there and that industry is the one that’s buying this raw material to replace their current raw material.”
Though TerraCycle recycles the cigarette waste at a loss, Szaky said the program is subsidized by Canada’s largest tobacco company to make it economically viable.
In the first 30 days of operation the program received more than 5,000 butts, which Szaky is pleased with.
“(It) may not seem like a big deal at all but the fact that (it’s) happened already in the first 30 days is pretty amazing,” he said.
The project, still in its infancy, has garnered the attention of some of the world’s largest tobacco companies.
“Since we launched in Canada we have been getting massive interest from the top three cigarette companies around the world to replicate the program,” he said, noting TerraCycle has signed a deal for a U.S. program and is in talks for another in Europe.
If the environmentally responsible nature of the program isn’t enough to get people involved, the social aspect is sure to draw interest.
“In addition to free shipping and recycling the material … we also give $1 for every pound of butts that you send us to any charity or school that you wish in Canada,” Szaky said, adding there is no limit to the amount of waste people can send in.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Friday, June 01, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Orange Blossom Special
Take a few moments out....say, a quarter hour of your life. Below are four versions of the greates fiddle song on the planet. Try not to jump up dancing... Let me know which you think would raise a dead man from his grave! (my jury is out...)
Don't know if this is the "finest" rendition of the Orange Blossom Special, but Ms Jones's fiddle player is right up there. Fresh, and full of great little diversions. Some might blame the Scotch, but that would be unfair. You can't play that well drunk, no matter what they say! Try not to obsess over the drummer's bouncing boobs.... The Orange Bosom Special.... No wait, thats "Blossom" grin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btc7VhvH-A4&feature=related
But by gosh, I really wanted to be the one to tickle Linda's tummy.....as she plays her fiddle upside down....
No, you just have to watch it to see what I am on about... and nobody does "country bluegrass" like the Germans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=Yd2Zzbi90vo
Of course, if you can stand yet more OH MY GAWD orange blossom specials
Canadian Samanth Robichaud.... (go Canada!!! I love her because she throws a few cords from my beloved national anthem into that tune, making it SO her own!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTui28UPu2Y&feature=related
Classically trained and very hot babe Annie Staininec muddles through a clearly non rehersed version of the orange blossom special....yet the passion shines through.... what is it about women doing this song? Guys just ain't that good!!!! (well, maybe Lester Flatt...or Charlie McCoy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPpZ3GqAUI4&feature=related
Now, you tell me...isn't that just the greatest sixteen minutes you spent today?
Don't know if this is the "finest" rendition of the Orange Blossom Special, but Ms Jones's fiddle player is right up there. Fresh, and full of great little diversions. Some might blame the Scotch, but that would be unfair. You can't play that well drunk, no matter what they say! Try not to obsess over the drummer's bouncing boobs.... The Orange Bosom Special.... No wait, thats "Blossom" grin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btc7VhvH-A4&feature=related
But by gosh, I really wanted to be the one to tickle Linda's tummy.....as she plays her fiddle upside down....
No, you just have to watch it to see what I am on about... and nobody does "country bluegrass" like the Germans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=Yd2Zzbi90vo
Of course, if you can stand yet more OH MY GAWD orange blossom specials
Canadian Samanth Robichaud.... (go Canada!!! I love her because she throws a few cords from my beloved national anthem into that tune, making it SO her own!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTui28UPu2Y&feature=related
Classically trained and very hot babe Annie Staininec muddles through a clearly non rehersed version of the orange blossom special....yet the passion shines through.... what is it about women doing this song? Guys just ain't that good!!!! (well, maybe Lester Flatt...or Charlie McCoy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPpZ3GqAUI4&feature=related
Now, you tell me...isn't that just the greatest sixteen minutes you spent today?
Friday, April 20, 2012
More anthems
On the theme of anthems, I have been spending a morning listening to, of all people, Vera Lynn.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0Dwf93z7w8&feature=related
The above was a command performance when she was seventy three
The clip below was from this time last year...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVaxbOg6g6A&feature=related
Lots of good footage. I was particulary taken with the fellow at about six minutes who even at 90 years old wept not for himself but for the people he liberated. And even at 83, Vera Lynn has a smokey bass with perfect pitch which brings tears to my eyes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0Dwf93z7w8&feature=related
The above was a command performance when she was seventy three
The clip below was from this time last year...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVaxbOg6g6A&feature=related
Lots of good footage. I was particulary taken with the fellow at about six minutes who even at 90 years old wept not for himself but for the people he liberated. And even at 83, Vera Lynn has a smokey bass with perfect pitch which brings tears to my eyes.
Anthems
Ever notice how much the song "The Maple Leaf Forever" sounds like "Advance Australia Fair"?
Australia.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF0PdsP4kbU
Maple Leaf.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6irRIzWIV8&feature=related
I think the Maple Leaf should have been Canada's National Anthem. But aside from the God references which infest my beloved national anthem, its not so bad. I guess.
Australia.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF0PdsP4kbU
Maple Leaf.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6irRIzWIV8&feature=related
I think the Maple Leaf should have been Canada's National Anthem. But aside from the God references which infest my beloved national anthem, its not so bad. I guess.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
The most ancient of games.
A lawyer and a Newfie are sitting next to each other on a long flight.The
lawyer is thinking that Newfie's are so dumb that he could get one over on
him easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the Newfie would like to play a fun game.
The Newfie is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines
and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you
$500.00," he says.
This catches the Newfie 's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he
agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to
the Moon?"
The Newfie doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the Newfie's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with
three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After
an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the Newfie and hands him $500.00. The Newfie pockets the $500.00
and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Newfie up and
asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with
four?"
The Newfie reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back
to sleep.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
St. Patty's Day
A few Irish oldies.....
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and
he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he
must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin'
he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
something in your hand?"
" That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a
fight."
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city
one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this
evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across
his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
husband?"
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim.. "How did it happen, Tim?"
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"
"Well, Brenda.... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and
she's in tears.
He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My husband passed away last
night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?"
S he says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits
down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues
to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
either!"
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and
he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he
must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin'
he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have
something in your hand?"
" That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a
fight."
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city
one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this
evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across
his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my
husband?"
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim.. "How did it happen, Tim?"
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and
drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"
"Well, Brenda.... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and
she's in tears.
He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My husband passed away last
night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?"
S he says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits
down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues
to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
either!"
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Bill, what is best in life?
This was the answer I made to a survey of questions by a high school student of mine. Not quite sure how he took it....
I was born at a very young age to a woman who had a wicked sense of humour. My little brother turned out to have Huntington's disease, a genetic disorder which results in severe mood swings. My father had it as well, though he was not diagnosed until long after I graduated from my personal school of hard knocks. Huntington's causes some severe rages, I learned to fight early on as a result. As I went through high school, I had to make a decision to be predator (school bully) or prey, and after some rather spectacular events which resulted in Bill getting suspended "yet again", and I had to pay for some dude's dental work "yet again", I decided that being the prey which fought back was kind of funky, and put me on the side of the angels. I don't recommend that path, but it is the one I took...it required me to develop a code of chivalry. Of course, once you leave high school, you never again know exactly where you stand in the pecking order, though twenty years of military did its best to continue the idea that such a thing exists, so it is difficult to actually figure out as an adult exactly what side the angels are on. The pecking order which is so powerful in high school is a lie. Not just a lie but a damned lie which is perpetuated by the bullies and ignored by the grownups. So what is the truth? Well, at the risk of getting all hippie dippie, I believe that we are all children of the universe, and nobody is any better than anybody else. I firmly believe in Einstein's dictum that a fish that sees a bird and thinks less of himself because he cannot fly is doomed to think his life is a failure. And I also believe that a single act of kindness wipes out days of self esteem crushing "social interaction".
My goal in high school was to get a laboratory like Tom Corbett Space Cadet had. Or at least an engineering or blacksmithing shop. Then I wanted to visit the place where King Arthur lived and died. Then the goal suddenly included marrying that sweetheart next door. I achieved all my goals, eventually. Luck had very little to do with it. Or rather, I positioned myself properly, and luck happened. Without the goals, and without the motivation to "do right by my fiancee", I would have stayed on as a sex obsessed, pot smoking long haired head banger who moved through life like a bowl of unset jello, dreaming of things I "might" do if I only had....whatever.
Remember the guy that goes around saying "I never had a chance", simply never TOOK a chance. FEAR of failure will destroy you faster than any failure could EVER do! I know so many people that never started a business (or picked up a musical intrument or learned to drive, whatever) because they were too afraid that it would not work. A good friend of mine worked on dead end jobs for 35 years, working for minimum wage right up until he was 50 years old and finally I convinced him to get his business licence, and start fixing contractor's mistakes the way Mike Holmes does. He now tells me that he wished he had listened to me twenty years earlier! He is now going to Algonquin College 2 full days a week to get his "inspector" permit.
What would I do over? I think I would have built in an exit strategy for when I joined the military. Ten years is enough of my youth to give away, but I ended up giving twice that just so I could get a pension. Mixed feelings on that! Well, back in 1975, the university system was very stodgy, and I was never any good at math, so I did't bother with it. I still am not specially hopeful about University, (engineering and medical fields excepted) but Colleges have become very progressive, with fascinating new courses on everything from robotics to forensics. In my experience, a military education has too many strings attached. What would I advise to a person looking to graduate from HS a year from now? I would I would recommend that they study "professions" as if it was a math class. Find out what does a forest ranger DO, what does a fireman DO, what does a policeman DO, What does an archaeologist or a blacksmith, newspaper reporter or pilot actually DO. Make a short list of career choices, and prepare to commit no more than five years to any choice...because in five years EVERYTHING will have changed, and your priorities are different. And you can do anything for five years, but you can't do anything well unless you devote a decent amount of time for it, so five years is about right. Remember, the prospect of twenty or thirty years as (insert any career) is just too daunting for words.
The five year plan will also accomodate changes like marriage, accidents, travel, moving to different schools or countries. Any of these things can affect your career path. Too many of my friends got stuck into a career, then got married, and found that they had not taken a family into account, and when they got into something that paid decently, they had already wasted four or five years on a dead end job.
Bill, what is most important in life? To crush your enemies and see them driven before you...no wait, thats Conan. What do I think is important? A stable home base, opportunity to travel, leisure to learn, a Tom Corbett style laboratory, a Conan style workshop which can build swords, and enough land to bring 8 cubic meters of pumpkins to slaughter once a year. A mead hall to await Grendel, and a "crew" of Viking warriors to drink with, and a loving and indulgent wife who can post my bail.
A motorcyle in the summer, a hot tub in the winter, and a ticket to Malta every couple of years.
I was born at a very young age to a woman who had a wicked sense of humour. My little brother turned out to have Huntington's disease, a genetic disorder which results in severe mood swings. My father had it as well, though he was not diagnosed until long after I graduated from my personal school of hard knocks. Huntington's causes some severe rages, I learned to fight early on as a result. As I went through high school, I had to make a decision to be predator (school bully) or prey, and after some rather spectacular events which resulted in Bill getting suspended "yet again", and I had to pay for some dude's dental work "yet again", I decided that being the prey which fought back was kind of funky, and put me on the side of the angels. I don't recommend that path, but it is the one I took...it required me to develop a code of chivalry. Of course, once you leave high school, you never again know exactly where you stand in the pecking order, though twenty years of military did its best to continue the idea that such a thing exists, so it is difficult to actually figure out as an adult exactly what side the angels are on. The pecking order which is so powerful in high school is a lie. Not just a lie but a damned lie which is perpetuated by the bullies and ignored by the grownups. So what is the truth? Well, at the risk of getting all hippie dippie, I believe that we are all children of the universe, and nobody is any better than anybody else. I firmly believe in Einstein's dictum that a fish that sees a bird and thinks less of himself because he cannot fly is doomed to think his life is a failure. And I also believe that a single act of kindness wipes out days of self esteem crushing "social interaction".
My goal in high school was to get a laboratory like Tom Corbett Space Cadet had. Or at least an engineering or blacksmithing shop. Then I wanted to visit the place where King Arthur lived and died. Then the goal suddenly included marrying that sweetheart next door. I achieved all my goals, eventually. Luck had very little to do with it. Or rather, I positioned myself properly, and luck happened. Without the goals, and without the motivation to "do right by my fiancee", I would have stayed on as a sex obsessed, pot smoking long haired head banger who moved through life like a bowl of unset jello, dreaming of things I "might" do if I only had....whatever.
Remember the guy that goes around saying "I never had a chance", simply never TOOK a chance. FEAR of failure will destroy you faster than any failure could EVER do! I know so many people that never started a business (or picked up a musical intrument or learned to drive, whatever) because they were too afraid that it would not work. A good friend of mine worked on dead end jobs for 35 years, working for minimum wage right up until he was 50 years old and finally I convinced him to get his business licence, and start fixing contractor's mistakes the way Mike Holmes does. He now tells me that he wished he had listened to me twenty years earlier! He is now going to Algonquin College 2 full days a week to get his "inspector" permit.
What would I do over? I think I would have built in an exit strategy for when I joined the military. Ten years is enough of my youth to give away, but I ended up giving twice that just so I could get a pension. Mixed feelings on that! Well, back in 1975, the university system was very stodgy, and I was never any good at math, so I did't bother with it. I still am not specially hopeful about University, (engineering and medical fields excepted) but Colleges have become very progressive, with fascinating new courses on everything from robotics to forensics. In my experience, a military education has too many strings attached. What would I advise to a person looking to graduate from HS a year from now? I would I would recommend that they study "professions" as if it was a math class. Find out what does a forest ranger DO, what does a fireman DO, what does a policeman DO, What does an archaeologist or a blacksmith, newspaper reporter or pilot actually DO. Make a short list of career choices, and prepare to commit no more than five years to any choice...because in five years EVERYTHING will have changed, and your priorities are different. And you can do anything for five years, but you can't do anything well unless you devote a decent amount of time for it, so five years is about right. Remember, the prospect of twenty or thirty years as (insert any career) is just too daunting for words.
The five year plan will also accomodate changes like marriage, accidents, travel, moving to different schools or countries. Any of these things can affect your career path. Too many of my friends got stuck into a career, then got married, and found that they had not taken a family into account, and when they got into something that paid decently, they had already wasted four or five years on a dead end job.
Bill, what is most important in life? To crush your enemies and see them driven before you...no wait, thats Conan. What do I think is important? A stable home base, opportunity to travel, leisure to learn, a Tom Corbett style laboratory, a Conan style workshop which can build swords, and enough land to bring 8 cubic meters of pumpkins to slaughter once a year. A mead hall to await Grendel, and a "crew" of Viking warriors to drink with, and a loving and indulgent wife who can post my bail.
A motorcyle in the summer, a hot tub in the winter, and a ticket to Malta every couple of years.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)