Saturday, December 31, 2005

Barrel Helms part deux





Well, here are three of them, ready to go. Well, actually, two and a half....one of them still needs work...the top one. All the pop rivets must now be changed over for solid rivets, now that everything is in place! (thats what apprentices are for!) I also stil have to do some file work to decorate up the eye slot a bit. Have to be careful though...too much file work can render it unsafe! (An SCA Marshal tries to fit a broomstick into the eye slot. if it goes in, it is unsafe. I believe this is done when the occupant is out.) I tried to make it as much like as an American Eagle as I could, and still let it be good and European medieval. It looks kind of crummy close up but the crowd can see it just fine, and it is certainly distinctive. The lion on the middle picture might confuse people though. You can't really tell what they are from 40 feet away, hopefully the lion has spikey enough legs to make it different from the smooth eagle wings.

The bottom one is kind of neat. With those 12 gauge face plates, you don't need a centre bar to keep things from shifting around, so I did some file work on the edges. The top point was an aesthetic mistake, but for vision, that extra quarter inch cut out makes all the difference. The vision in this helm is stunning...you put it on, and the metal is so close to the eyes that it sort of disappears. I don't think it needs any brass work, or any further finishing....it looks different from all the others, and it is functional. It is doing its job...

The last of the set will be a brass Fleur de Lys on the brow, and that's pretty much it. Maybe I'll get that done today! These little details take a LOT of time...but it is time I quite enjoy useing up. These are not especially pretty, or especially artistic, but they are interesting, visually exciting, and they illustrate how a little customizing will go a long way to make a plain helm into a good looker. None of these nasals took more than a couple of hours to do.

English Wheels are finally in!


(click on the above to enlarge)
I know, getting new English Wheels is nothing to really get excited about, really, but woo hoo! That was my big shop purchase of the year. And I also know that almost nobody has a clue what an Engllish wheel actually IS! I'll put pictures up tomorrow, but for right now, I am just happy to finally get this tool I have heard so much about for so long. It is a fairly simple machine....A flat wheel 2 inches wide, and 8 inches across forms the top wheel. The bottom wheel is a bowling ball...or rather a slice of one. The metal is moved between the two wheels, and they magically form the steel into, oh, a fender, or a breast plate. Well, that is the plan anyway.
Major piss offs, aside from the inch of ice on everything here.......Fed Ex ground. Honestly, I have never had so many problems as when I started using Fed Ex ground. Its no cheaper than UPS, but it seems that one in 8 shipments goes wonky somehow.
Oh, enough bitching. The day was lovely, trees looked like they were made from glass! I had a rare case of sunlight glinting off the ice covered branches, with a gentle snow squall. Couldn't quite see across the St. Lawrence River for the snow.....it was so pretty! And tonight! My Ed the Sock Hot Tub Party. Hope all my blogging buddies can make it....should be a perfect evening to blow in the new year.

The cartoon strip? Well....it seems that my friend Rxxxxxxx was one of the actors at the new vendor run Ren Faire which took over from the professional faire this last summer. There have been dozens of oddball things happening...people outright lying to us is only one of them. (The bare faced lies is why I am not putting money into this show.) I am blown away by the fact they actually ran a faire...but when you think about it, how hard is it when everybody is behind you? The vendors all will do their part, the beer pretty much sells itself, so where can you lose money? Especially when you don't pay your actors! Rxxxxxx and many other actors simply did not get paid. And so a dream crumbles.....

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Christmas week!



Oh My Dog, its Christmas Eve! How did THAT sneak up on me so fast?
Its been a busy busy week here at the armoury...made 5 helmets in the last two weeks. Above is a picture of a few of them. They are not done yet....they still have to have the front Nasal bars put on, and some decorative brass work. Right now, they don't look pretty and chivalrous...they just look mean! I didn't really plan it that way...its just the way the new face plates come up, giving the eye slot the flat inward facing triangles.
Those face plates have big 3/4 inch holes in them so that the wearer can actually breathe in this helm. First one I made out of 16 gauge....I found that I could bend it in my bare hands....all those holes took the strength out of the face plate. Into the trash it went. Made one in 14 gauge steel. Better....but still needs to be supported in the middle. Client liked it, but I didn't think it was as good as the 12 gauge I eventually made these out of. (The smaller the gauge number, the thicker the metal. A stop sign is usually 14 gauge steel just for comparison purposes.) These are true battle helms....tough enough to withstand a guy with a baseball bat! Fairly roomy inside, about 3/4 inch of padding needed all around or else it rings like a church bell.
These are going to support the Wisconsin Renaissance Festival. The owner is a really nice sounding Dude, who is looking to get a troupe armoured up for, oh, just general purpose armoured soldiering. Human Chess games, Royal guardsmen, that sort of stuff. He wanted it to be good enough for anything. He's getting that!

Well, a couple of hours on these helms....then maybe seeing if I can find some "Peace and Goodwill Towards Men".

Merry Christmas

Friday, December 23, 2005

Christmas.....




(Dunstan made this!. Click on it to Enlarge)

Got the tree up, and decorated. We are using the new LED lights...they make all the difference for peace of mind. No hot bulbs....and you can string as many on as you like, they won't load down your circuit.

Small things to amuse a small mind, I know, but what can I say...I am so full of the mellow joy of christmas I can only say Merry Christmas....drive sober...and don't feel obliged to make EVERY cookie Jennifer....or drink EVERY beer Zlanth. Well, maybe scratch that last admonition.

Anyway, not a bad picture of me up above there. It was at the Ren Fair, oh, three or four years ago, and this little girl came up on my deck, took one look at me, and screamed. Then hid behind her mother. This was very disconcerting. Her mom told me that she had never seen a man with a beard before. (Oh, the horrors of modern culture!) I knelt down to her level and said to her mom's knees...you didn't scream like that when I brought you your presents last Christmas eve! The sobbing stopped. A little eye peeks around the mom's knee....Santa? she asks. Of course I reply....this is what I do during the summer when there is no snow! She came out all the way and asked me who I was giving presents to during the summer. I gave her a candy (I always had baskets of candy out for the taking) and explained that during the summer, the daddies all want a toy. But daddy toys were usually big, sharp, and dangerous to anybody who is not a friend. (chuckles all around). then I said...Now take your daddy and mommy next door to look at the musical instruments next door. Those are toys for mommies. And they have big gong you can ring! (groans all around).

The top picture is what I looked like at that show! Click to enlarge it...my beard was magnificent and full..like Moses' beard! The nice lady is Myrna, my neighbour...she showed up without telling me she was coming...the stinker! That show was in Toronto, a good 7 hours drive from here at home in Ottawa!

Night all....

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A clean house....




Brenda is getting ready for a fun filled holiday season. Hopefully some family time with my brother, and a good time during New Years! She is happily making ice cream this week. It is so cold out that the ice cream tub (which needs to be chilled really really cold! And we gots that this week!) lives outside. I want to make apple cinnamon oatmeal ice cream, my signature dish. She will be making vanilla cherry, and lemonchella ice cream. Also, with luck, rum raisin ice cream. There is something about home made ice cream which sets it apart from store bought...I think it is that the eggs are fresh instead of processed. I will be getting sooooooo fat this Christmas!

Maybe I should bake cookies...though I think I am getting a shipment of cookies from a professional chef in the Toronto area of my aquaintance.

Well, back to work. I think Brenda has some curtains to hang....

Friday, December 16, 2005

Love.....L'Amour.....




(click on image to expand it)


A broken heart is a terrible thing. A fellow in Western Mass. left a diamond ring in a dude's car...with a note that perhaps it will go to somebody who knows love. Its a 15 thousand dollar ring! Oh My! This story here...http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051216/od_nm/ring_dc;_ylt=AghJjuG3tmJNK2u22NjjC_8uQE4F;_ylu=X3oDMTA3NW1oMDRpBHNlYwM3NTc-

And of course, my blogging buddy Pei Ling over at http://peebrain.blogspot.com/ seems to be an angel with a broken heart. I have featured her poetry here from time to time....if an old Cossack like me can enjoy it, it must be special!


I carry your silence
In my heart
I wear your image
on heavy glass shapes.
It is scratchedand worn
in perpetual soft focus.
Your silence is
a dull bladethat I gut passion with.
Each cleft crushesmore cleanlythan a clean cut.
Your image is an overlaythat I tween with razors
Too few pixels were sampled,so you are left,a flawless gouge
on my left breast.
I carry your silencein my heart.
Sometimes I forget it exists.
Sometimes it b-b-breaks.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Web sites! Arrgh!




Nothing like a computer to enable you to do an hour's work in only six hours! Finally finished updating the helmet section though! What a job! Lots of new helms (well, new pictures anyway) and a few things moved around so as to make loading quicker.
Everything that could go wrong DID go wrong! I actually dropped a file! Butterfingers, I could see doing that in an office with a manila folder, but a computer file? I was moving it from point A to point B, and addidently dropped it...somewhere on the 'puter. Not sure where. Had to use the "find file" function in order to track the little sucker down! It was buried down somewhere in the "quicken" files.
Then I discovered that these three files which to my eye are the same, are actually not recognized as the same by the links! Helm1.JPG, Helm1.jpg, Helm1.jpeg...... Consistency! I need consistency!

Got a couple of games at auction t'other night. One was Myst, and the sequel Riven. I have decided that Myst is the most boring game since watching the Montreal Expos! Not exactly point and shoot! Waste of another 2 hours! I just kept going to see if it would get better! It didn't! I think it would be more entertaining to use the CD's as skeets!

Brenda has been in court all day. She is not a witness, so she just went for interest sake. (The lady next door is accused of setting fire to her house) She was all alone at the courthouse, hearing all those awful things said about her. I personally don't believe she did it....at least not intentionally, but as soon as mental health is brought into question, the whole world just seems to turn against you. Brenda spent the time holding her hand, and letting her sob. Either she or one of her personalities did intentionally burn the place out, or it was simple carelessness with a cigarette. Either way, she lost everything.

People say....I can smoke if I want to...there is no evidence of second hand smoke hurting anybody. Well, how about second hand fire? Half the fires in Canada are directly or indirectly caused by smokers. Even kids playing with matches....where did they get the matches from? That alone would be a good reason to re-think putting a burning weed in your face. But judgement is not mine....I can only try to understand.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Weird and dumb!



Moose stories are always good! (Thanks to Oz for the above pic!) Canadian traffic jam....

Below is the story of two drunken moose. Not sure why I find this funny, but somehow......

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2005/11/14/1306604-ap.html

Then of course there are dumb and dumber! The dumb story is this one....

OSLO, Norway -- Norwegian pizza deliveryman Vegard Sjaastad saw a familiar face when a customer handed him a Visa card.
It was Sjaastad's own credit card, with his picture on the back of it.

Complete story is here....http://www.theksbwchannel.com/food/5483008/detail.html

And the dumber story is here. Being blond myself, I can see how a visit to a hollywood home would imply some cocaine. And if I were an "aspiring model" (presumably wearing a tee shirt with a logo saying "who needs brains when I have these!) I might figure that the large block of cheese on the coffee table is actually a brick (OMG!) of cocaine. And if I was "REALLY REALLY STOOPID" I would hire some dude to kill the owners of said coke, er, cheese, in order to rip off the biggest high I could imagine in my wildest dreams! But... it gets worse!

Read all about it here.....http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/1206cheesy-plot06-ON.html

Now, THOSE stories should put a smile on your face!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Oh Bloody Hell!



(Viking helmets...out of my shop....click on pic to enlarge)

(to the tune of Oh Holy Night)

Oh....Bloody Hell!
The whole shield wall is crumbling!
I fear that soon I shall see Odin's face

Yea, there it goes, the foe is over running
There's little time and I can't find my mace

A ray of hope, my weary brain rejoices
For up there dawns the salvation of my hide!

Fall on your face! Pretend the foe has slain you
Then shiv him in the back, and then
Run, run like the wind....

That shiv, that friend of mine,
oh dear old shiv, that friend of mine...

flagrantly plagarized from
Strygor Von Talmutz from his songbook
"A Viking's Christmas in Wales"
(bet you thought I had mercifully forgotten it didn't you!?)

Friday, December 02, 2005

Fine bunch o lads (and lassies)




Tonight, this bunch of reprobates will be training in tricksy ways to play with live steel! Yaaay!

Well....its...what I do.......

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Shakespeare and Spam




I don't believe it...got a bill from my server for extra traffic. Great, I though, more web traffic, means more hits right? Um, no, this was email. "You mean this extra 8 bucks a month is to cover the email? But 90% of it is spam!" It was delivered nonetheless....and therefore you are stuck with it! (actually, I deleted 69 messages a moment ago, leaving four real email messages!
I don't think thats right.......lets tweak the spam filter up a bit! There, that should work!

But honestly, eight bucks a month! That is, like, an extra hundred bucks a year just so I can hear how the Hoodia Plant will...hmmm...what WILL it do? Thats over and above my regular half a grand a year service. OMG!

I will have to do something about this!


On a related note, has any of my loyal readers downloaded a "re-director" while blog surfing? Last week, it seemed that every second blog I surfed into was a variant on a porn site. They were interesting (No, not in THAT way!)because they could not be bookmarked, and when I tried to cut and paste the URL's into a complaint letter, my Windows would crash! This happened twice, and again on a Norton scan...so I do not believe it to be a co-incidence!
(A dozen times through with Adaware, Spycatcher, and Norton (oooh..it didn't like Norton or RegCleaner!) seems to have cleared it.



-------------------------------- Shakespeare on Spam (by Anonymous)

These several airy unnamed messengers
Do daily cram my inbox bursting full;
And with a battery of promises (Of manhood's lengthening, safe and natural;
Of sites whereat strange couplings may be seen,
Or beauties nubile as the law allows;
Of meetings with old schoolmates, none of whom I've spared a brace of thoughts for these ten years)
Make sifting out my correspondences A passing trial.
O, take care, my friends!
The rambling jest you send has like been seen Ten times, forwarded by some jackanapes;
And sooth, I'll not contribute to a chain
But risk the lapse in fortunes an I don't.
Of all conveniences, these are most meet:
The Bulk folder,
"Select All,"
and "Delete."
_________________Please help support BreakTheChain.org Visit the Chain-Breaker's Gift Shop

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Helmets





Here are a couple of rough and ready helmets I am sending to Chicago and Wisconsin, respectively. Not by best work, but then, these are NOT the haute couture of armour making! Actually, I didn't like the size of the holes for breathing in the bottom helmet (imagine breathing through that!) and made them a little bigger since this pic was taken. The brass is a Scottish Thistle.

I was supposed to go across the border to to ship these today...I usually combine my trips over with stuff with picking up stuff Stateside. However, UPS (the USELESS PARCEL SERVICE) seems to sending my incoming packages all over the Eastern United States! Fascinating! I'll go Friday. Instead of going to see Harry Potter.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Steel buying Day




Monday. Time to get out and purchase some steel. Yesterday, I had to make a decision...either I pay 25 bucks to the dump to take all that brush in the trailer, or should I just burn it....and put the 25 bucks to a local kid to haul the brush down to the burn site.
So, needless to say, I lost my 1 tonne challenge...and contributed about another half tonne or so of Carbon Dioxide to the atmosphere! The local kid now has some gas money, and I have an empty trailer. I also have about 10 kilograms of wet charcoal....

Anyway.... just for fun, a friend of mine sent me a pic of one of the Canadian Sea Kings. As most Canadians know, the Sea Kings have been flying longer than most airmen have been alive, and over time, have developed many flaws and cracks. A close examination of the Sea King helicopter will show that some of the cracks are quite visible, even to the unaided eye!

click on the picture to see a larger version.

Now, I'm outa here...off to pick up some 16 gauge.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Confidence


One of my favorite columnists in Toronto wrote about the latest kerfluffel in the schools there. It seems that a girl was sexually and emotionally abused by a small gang in her school. Not unexampled...though certainly the events were extreme. However, just to stir the pot, the parents of all these little darlings are grasping at the race straw instead of pointing the finger of blame at their own bad parenting. Hey, its a gang..it just happened to be black, okay! And its a "small G" sort of gang...the kind that forms in every high school in the nation, not really a "gang", but rather a group of kids who all sort of hang together. (thats a gang....duuh). And this led me to wonder about the nature of groups, gangs, and high school clusters in general. Lots of good books on the subject.
The big difficulty with these perps is that they had no idea where to draw the line. I suspect most of them are basically good kids, but they crossed several moral, ethical and legal lines in their behavior. This bahavior went on for what..a year and a half!


Great column...."follow my rules and you won't get expelled". Yup, that about sums it up!
http://www.torontosun.com/News/Columnists/Blizzard_Christina/2005/11/16/1308676.html

As a boy going to school in the late '70s here in Ontario, I was heavily targeted by bullies. I went through years of soul searching, wondering why the teachers couldn't stop this nonsense. Like most boys, I skinned my knuckles a few times, got into a bit of trouble, got out of it, and eventually graduated. It was a traumatic time. However.........after I was grown up, I looked back on what was a pretty much miserable time, and tried to figure out how I could have done it better. Your contention that even the teachers have an unclear idea of just what behaviour constitutes bullying resonated, and I believe now that my misery was largely self induced. That as a boy of 15, I knew nothing about real abuse, real injury, real death, and reacted to unimportant things as if they were important.
I didn't think so at the time, but I was wrapped in cotton wool, and I had to make my own stressful environment. A very artificial environment. An environment where fighting, drugs, sex, rebellion and angst played a part, and the most important part was our over-reaction to what amounted to mild stimuli....a fight because somebody thought I wore the wrong colour socks for instance. This was pretty low level stress, but the reactions were all there! (reactions? yes, we had suicides, overdoses, pregnancies in our school...these are pretty severe reactions!) Its interesting looking back on it as an adult, and wondering "What was I thinking to fall for THAT!"
Most adults learn to cope with "jackasses" in high school. No point in expelling them all, or you won't have ANY students left! My school expelled the problem students, and their little "lieutenants" just stepped into their shoes! So there WILL be low level violence, (shoving in line, stealing pencils!) In fact, my dear old Ma always said that you didn't go to high school to learn Math, you went there to learn how to deal with the twits of the world! And maybe, just maybe, to learn how NOT be a twit yourself. If this was true though, how come it isn't on the curriculum? Something like "coping with angst 101"? Or, "the motorcycle, the road, the bridge abutment and you?" At least they taught us to drive! So you have to put up with the low level b.s., clamp down hard on the high level b.s. like riding motorcycles down the hallways of the school and gangstas.
I know, radical idea, encouraging the low level "violence" (boys interaction with boys, duuuh!) in order to give them the tools to cope. But NO! They drop the boxing courses. They drop the wrestling courses. They drop the Judo courses. They drop the shop courses (we made a hot rod in MY shops class!) They make zero tolerance policies on pocket knives and name calling. Is this sensible? Its not like this is a new problem here dudes!
Same students left high school where they terrorized the teachers, drove like maniacs, drank like fish, smoked up like Cheech and Chong, bonked like minks, and went into adult life. I went into the military with these guys, and discovered that all the stupid things I thought were important were, well, stupid. Can you imagine if any of them threatened a military instructor with a knife like what happened to a teacher friend of mine in Toronto last May! Oh My Dog! There is a difference though....the military treats people like adults, the school system treats people like high school students. Wrapping them in cotton wool.
(insert hit single "I'm an Adult Now!" here....play to fade...)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Snow!



Photo courtesy of http://othersiderainbow.blogspot.com/
(a fellow Saskatchewanite with a MUCH more interesting blog than mine!)

Okay, so it isn't quite so dramatic as this! But it IS a little annoying to look out and see an inch of the white stuff out there! Thank goodness my commute is a short one! I think the top picture is of Elgin Street in Ottawa. Typical Canadian going to work in the snow!

The problem with working at home is that actually you can NEVER leave work! There are times when I would just like to say "fuggit", I'm outa here! Got for a beer with the guys after work! Not an option...the problem will still be there when I get back! Another thing which I didn't think would be a problem is that there is no boss here to tell me to get to work! Who knew I needed that to get up off my fat behind and get things done! My self discipline has gone out the window! No immediate rewards, all I get for "being good" is sore feet, aching hands, and dust up my nose!
Ah well, a problem identified is a problem half solved. Now to get away from this keyboard and get to work. Boy, the boss is a real twit this morning! (Oh, and Ovonia Red, I have to agree with you about HMT!

Friday, November 11, 2005

30th Anniversary of the Wreck of the Edmumd FitsGerald

In Nov. 10, 1975, the Iron Core Carrier Edmund Fitzgerald went down in a storm just off Whitefish point in Lake Superior. The following year, an up and coming Canadian folk singer wrote this song, which has become a great Canadian classic, which has kept the story alive ever since. November 11th, for me, is doubly piognant because every year there are fewer and fewer vets at the centotaph, I stand parade with them, and think about families left behind, both on the sea and here at home. The men of the Edmund Fitz died struggling to keep their ship afloat in the face of too much adversity. they failed, and their families pay the price, same as my grandmother wept when her boy (the one I was named after) didn't come back from the Scheldt.

If somebody can find the mp3 and post the link to the tune below, I would be grateful. Every Canadian that reads this blog knows how the tune goes, but perhaps some of the US visitors would appreciate the talents of the incomparable Gordon Lightfoot.

Here is a link to the ship, and its history....http://www.mhsd.org/fleet/O/On-Columbia/fitz/default.htm



The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they called 'Gitche Gumee'
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy
With a load of iron ore twenty-six thousand tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty.
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early.

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most
With a crew and good captain well seasoned
Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ship's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?
The wind in the wires made a tattle-tale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the captain did too,
T'was the witch of November come stealin'.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the Gales of November came slashin'.
When afternoon came it was freezin' rain
In the face of a hurricane west wind.
When suppertime came, the old cook came on deck sayin'.
Fellas, it's too rough to feed ya.
At Seven P.M. a main hatchway caved in, he said
Fellas, it's been good t'know ya
The captain wired in he had water comin' in
And the good ship and crew was in peril.
And later that night when his lights went outta sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does any one know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?
The searches all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.
They might have split up or they might have capsized;
May have broke deep and took water.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the rooms of her ice-water mansion.
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams;
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.
And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her,
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the Gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral.
The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call 'Gitche Gumee'.
Superior, they said, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early!

with feeling from Gordon Lightfoot

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Collaboration



Got a kind of interesting call last week...a fellow who ran a tai chi club and wondered why I didn't carry this particular brand of Tai Chi swords in stock. Actually I DO carry that brand, but not those particular swords...they are expensive niche market things, there are 4 different models, each in a different length of blade. For a guy who was awfully fussy about his tools, he didn't seem to know what he wanted! We discussed balance, customizing, and all sorts of pie in the sky ideas. Several emails back and forth, a lot of ideas and plans. His last words to me were "don't bring them in on my account, I found a store near to me which carries them." So those two hours making emails are like, totally gone from my life!

A day later, I get a call in my shop from a nice fellow who co-incidentely enough has begun studying Tai Chi. We had met a couple of years ago, and talked sword making, which I do. This fellow is in the trade as a millwright, and so we can talk "technical". He waxed lyrical on how wonderful the sport is, and how you can't get a proper TaiChi sword, and so he decided to try to make them. I asked him who his Sifu was, and guess what? Same guy who was wasting my time last week! Seems the Sifu is getting this fellow to look into making his swords for him. So the guy naturally asks the only person he knows who actually MAKES the things. Great, a collaboration.

So I chat with him for a bit, while my employees have downed tools, and talking and joking amongst themselves so as to not interrupt my phone call (clean up your work stations ya bums!) and the subject of money comes up. Seems his Sifu doesn't like the imported swords, and wants to have a sword specific to his club. Students will be required to purchase that sword. (you know, mine will be 500 bucks, the imports will be 100 bucks eh?) So I asked this nice millwright fellow how much he thought his employers would charge for tooling and such to make the swords, it cost ME about 4 grand. He was hoping to use mine! Ahhhh....it is becoming clear. He doesn't have the money. His Sifu doesn't have the money, but he wants a custom sword.

I am to "invest" 4 to 5 thousand bucks in machine tool costs to make swords which "might" be good enough for a TaiChi club to pick up. The slightest little problem in balance, fit, finish, or any other whim on his part would leave me with a pile of "rejected", and therefore unsaleable swords. You know, this happened to me once before! A Mr. David Cvet did much the same thing to me a few years ago, and then dropped me over an imagined defect. This would be different how?

Hey the story isn't over yet....stay tuned!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Cats



funny....tried to put this pic into the last post, but it wouldn't go. Anyway, here it is. I thought the chop sticks on the top of the cage to be a nice touch......

Cats....

Nothing special to blog about today...just finishing up helmets, getting ready for the season. Funny thing, this time of year, things seem to be picking up. I now have "Three" hours of work a day in my shop to keep up with the demand! I dunno, will have to be vary careful to keep those prices high, and stop advertising if I want to keep my slack and lazy lifstyle intact. I must remember to take a page out of my neighbour's cat's book...Sleep as much as you can, keep people awake all night, yup, sounds like a good life to me. Cept for the "eat rhodents" part.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

English Wheel! Well, Almost....




Here are some pics of the frame I got Steve to weld up for me. Thank you Gary for the plans.... You will have to click on these images to see them full size I believe.

As you can see, it is essentially a great big "C" shape, up on caster wheels. The upper truck is sitting on top in the first picture...it is just sitting there, waiting for me to get a nice big old eight inch flat steel wheel. The bottom truck is not even there, but it will look much like the top truck, but will hold different shaped wheels depending on how I want the metal to look. it is a hand tool, and the way it works is this.....if I were to trap a wrinkled piece of metal between two rollers, it would flatten that metal out. If the bottom roller were to be rounded, like a bowling ball, the sheet of steel would find itself becoming hollowed out, like the inside of a motorcycle tank.

You can also see how excruciatingly cluttered my shop is! Well, the English Wheel frame is the big blue C shaped object in the centre! Just because, I mounted a saw set on it....best thing I ever found for holding steel sheet while you are filing the corners. It may not stay there though.


I'll post more pictures on this site as I finish building this tool, and as I learn to use it.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Road Block.....Head

Hunt Club road in Ottawa is a divided 4 lane 50 mph highway artery that goes right across the bottom of the city. Lots and lots of traffic, esp. at rush hour. When a guy is stopped in the right hand lane, and creating a bottle neck, I get really nervous. Why has the guy stopped "there"? Is there an accident perhaps? Is there something I don't know about? I stopped behind him because, well, there was no way to change to the left lane safely. Flicked on my signal, and waited for a break in the traffic.
Dumb ass right behind me peals out around me and the guy in front of me, blazing his horn! Its all my fault! He will be a little delayed getting to his donut shop. A few more cars pass on the left, and a few more dickheads lean on their horn as they pass. Finally, a break in traffic. I carefully move past the stopped car and see what the problem is....an injured deer, her leg folded under her, looking at the traffic going past. The guy causing the problem...was stopped...maybe he hit the deer, maybe he was just keeping it from getting run over. He had wisely left the vehicle!
You know, when there is an obstruction in the road, and the right lane is blocked, maybe there is a reason why! Honestly you bozo's who leaned on their horns and stamped on their long skinny pedals, did you get your licence in a Cracker Jacks box? What if that deer was startled by your stupid horn and stumbled up and into your fender? My oh my.....and you call yourselves adults!

Sorry...don't feel like joking right now!

Acrostic



I have always felt that I wanted something really nice on my tomestone...like "A Great Humanitarian" (innacurate) "A Lover of Fine Wine" (unlikely, though true), or even "My Wife TOLD Me It Was A Dangerous Snake, but Did I Listen....NOOOOO!" (My wife's favorite). This fellow John seems to have the right idea. A philosophy of life, and a philosophy of death. My oh my, can you imagine having that tombstone over you for all eternity?

This is one of the finest acrostics I have ever seen. Even better than the male deer as described by South Tower Armouring Guild.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Flexi pavement...


Now THIS is an interesting product! Found it while blogging http://www.ecosmartinc.com/catpavespecial.php. It is a recycled rubber product. Water goes right through it. It wears well. It is non slip. I wonder if it could be used as juitsu mats. Comes in several colours, can be used outside, and is reasonably inexpensive at under 8 bucks Canadian a square foot.

It is probably too heavy to use for armour. But I am thinking about padding for under the anvil...might cut the noise down a little!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween!



The pic is courtesy of StrangeCosmos.com A site which can't be visited nearly enough!
And WHY NOT! Its All Saint's Day tomorrow, and tonight, all the little ghosties and ghoulies were out trying to scare the homeowners our of their candy! Brenda and I went over to Shayne's place, where he "does" Halloween in a big way....his front yard is decorated in skulls (some 27 of them by my count) including a complete cage with the skeleton of a dead pirate in it, dangling over the front sidewalk! He dressed up in his head to toe Gorilla suit, and fired up his light saber every time a kid didn't say "thank you". Tried to keep from scaring the VERY young though. They scare easy, and this was supposed to be a fun little "OMG" sort of shock, not a "bwaaaaaaa....daddddddddeeeeeeeyyyyyy" kind of fright. So we were careful.
Lots of parents with their kids. Good to see. I would just be a piece of the decoration, standing there in my mask and cloak, and the parents were too busy watching their kids getting scared to realize I was right behind them. sometimes people would jump when they realized I was actually alive! I thought it would be kind of fun to tap on their shoulder, and when they turned around, they would see Shaynes' voodoo "skull on a stick". That got some shreiks from the parents!
Yup, that was a success.

Shayne and Cindy took some pics and I'll try to put them up here when they have got around to downloading them and sending them to me.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Halloween Scary things....






The most scary thing I have been up to this Halloween weekend is to nail up shingles on my roof. At least it isn' t a 12 in 12 pitch,but it is close....about 9 in 12. That is just a little too steep to stand on! Oh when will I ever learn to build roofs that are not so darned steep! My knees are raw, my insteps are stretched like rubber bands (cept rubber bands don't hurt that bad!) I believe that putting up shingles is pretty nearly one of my most hated jobs.
Ah well, it looks good though.


Finish this off tomorrow, and then carve out some pumpkins. I have not done a Jack 0 Lantern in years! Of course, come next Tuesday, we'll be taking our Katana's out for some pumpkin carving. This should be fun!

Wish I was at your party Zlanth.....but seeing as how I have the flu it is probably best that I stay home. I'll hoist a brewski in yer honer though. I always get the flue after I get a flu shot. They say you can't get the flu from the flu shot...its dead! Hah! I think it just kicks the crap out of your immune system so that you pick up whatever galloping lung rot happens to be in the air at the moment! So, I taught my class in a whisper last night, and today, there is NO voice left at all. Singing in the shower is an exerience...I have to turn the water off to hear myself!

Well, I suppose I should be grateful for small things....the fact that I CAN actually climb on a roof and hit nails. (I notice that as I write this that there is a little twinge of pain everytime I hit the T, G, B , F, R and V. Clearly not every nail I hit with the hammer was made of steel!) I have posted a wonderful pic of Gratitude. Thanks, Dribbleglass!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

How to play hockey! OMG!




Pirate asked me to explain how to play hockey! Gosh, for me, that is like asking me how to explain breathing! But, I can do this!

How to play hockey....
Get a bunch of guys to play on the road in front of your house. eight to ten kids is enough, more is better. Place a couple of easily moved objects down about a body width apart to form the "net", backpacks full of school books are good. Place two nets, one on each end of the "rink". You will also need sticks of some kind that you can tape "blades" onto....foot long thin boards which stick out at an angle at one end of the stick which you can use to bat the rubber ball around. We used to tape broken sticks from our older brothers teams together to make a whole "customized" stick for ourselves. Divide up into teams, and try to knock the rubber ball or old torn up baseball into the "net". One player is allowed to be the "goalie" for each side, and he will try to stop you from getting the ball through his "crease" and into the "net". Under your pant legs, you stuff magazines held onto your shins with sealer jar rubbers (if you can still GET sealer jar rubbers!) or elastic bands....that will serve as shin armour. I used inner tubes cut into rings, or else "hockey tape", a black gooey version of surgical tape.

Make the rules up as you go along, don't hit the other guys enough to leave too many bruises, (remember, what goes around comes around) and have a blast! When a car comes up, it will stop. The goalie yells out "CAR!", play is stopped, the backpacks are moved, and the car moves carefully through. The backpacks get put back into service and play resumes.
Have a blast!

Of course, as you get older, you might start skating. Inline skates on concrete, or ice skates on ice. Inline hockey hurts more as you slide along the concrete.....You can learn a few more rules, join a league, and play on an actual ice surface. The speed gets a lot higher! You get together in actual "teams" and "play position", play for 3 periods plus OT, and of course,
you have a blast!

In Canada, Saturday night is "hockey night in Canada", the name of a CBC show which is VERY popular. I have seen weddings end early so the guests could catch the game! The game of hockey has defined Canadians as much or more than baseball has defined those south of the 49th parallel, providing a powerful and much needed unifying force.
The NHL, (the National Hockey League) went on strike last year, and the owners locked them out for an entire year. This has caused untold misery among fans who don't know what to talk about when they go out to a tavern for a pint. Now that the season is "on again!", the angels are singing, Molson Brewery stock is up again, wives can get together with other wives and complain (commisserate? celebrate?) about being hockey widows and all is right with the world.
More ice hockey info is below.
http://www.fitness.gov/ice_hockey.html
http://www.firstbasesports.com/hockey_glossary.html
and this from the wikipedia....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_hockeyIce hockey, known simply as hockey in Canada and the United States, is a team sport played on ice. It is one of the world's fastest sports, with players on skates capable of going high speeds on natural or artificial ice surfaces. The most prominent ice hockey nations are Canada, United States, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Czech Republic, and Slovakia.
In all there are 64 members in the International Ice Hockey Federation. As one might expect, its worldwide popularity is concentrated primarily in locales cool enough for natural, long-term seasonal ice cover. It is the official national winter sport of Canada, and it has a strong enough following in certain regions of the United States (notably the Northeast, the Northern Midwest, and Alaska) that many Americans consider hockey to be a "major sport" in their country as well, although some Americans from other parts of the U.S. dispute hockey's inclusion as a major sport. The parts of North America which have the strongest followings of the sport are often called "hockey country".
While most of the countries mentioned above have their own professional ice hockey league, North America's National Hockey League is considered the world's premier professional ice hockey league and attracts almost all of the world's elite players.

Is it just me or is that driver blind?







Blind Referees. Blind outfielders. Blind swordsmen! Blind drivers! This in from the Manchester Online....one of the finest tabloids in the World! http://www.manchesteronline.co.uk/cars/news/s/177/177438_blind_driver_sets_speed_record.html

Mike Newman, from Sale, Cheshire, raced to 167.32mph in his specially-made BMW M5 at Elvington Airfield, near York.
Organisers of the event said the record was set after the average speed was taken from two runs at the Yorkshire airfield earlier today.
He was hoping to break the 200mph barrier but was thwarted as he ran out of room on the track.
He said: "It has been a wonderful day. It has been a really exciting day. Hopefully I have raised awareness ahead of World Sight Day and shown that you can achieve anything you want."
Mr Newman set a record of 144mph in a Jaguar XJ-R in August 2003.
But he hopes today's new record will increase awareness and much-needed funds for his chosen charity, Vision 2020, ahead of World Sight Day later this week.
John Galloway, who helped organise today's record attempt, said: "This is a marvellous achievement. Mike drove totally unassisted. It is a fantastic achievement and has been one of the most emotional days of my life."


Hah! I am sure I was following this fellow down the 401 highway last Thursday!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The good old hockey game...the best game you can name...

I made a post on Jen's comments that was so good that I just had to repeat it here!

Ah, now Jen, when a hockey team ties up after three periods, the game goes into "sudden death overtime". These guys who have been skating like crazy for the last 20 minutes trying to score to avoid just this situation look at their team mates trying to suck enough wind to survive, down at their trembling, rubbery legs, and try to clear eyes blurry from fatigue and sweat. The game goes into overtime, and the game is won in the line changes...if the coach can change his people over during play without leaving too few people on the ice. All considerations of strategy and trying to match up teams against the opposing team goes right out the window, its a matter of "who can drive their body for another 30 seconds drive to the goal!?" Because the first side to score a goal wins the game. The referees mostly just try to stay out of the way....fouls and infractions take too much energy at this point for anybody to commit them, and if they did, their coach would yank them for good for delaying the game. Besides, the players are too tired to play a crisp game anyway, it is nothing BUT fouls, mostly by accident, tired players stumbling over their sticks, their own feet, their opponent's feet, over a shadow on the ice..., no point in getting upset about it.

Now... the goalies have to earn their pay. Shaved ice from skates getting dangerously dull coat them from head to toe, and it is freezing to their clothing, their hair, their masks. The goalie has to see through the sprays of snow (from people stopping just short of his position) and the sweat trickling into his eyes from the tension and the exertion of moving 50 pounds of padding from "here" to "there", when "there" is a tiny little puck coming in at 80 miles per hour. The ice is chopped and cratered outside of his crease causing even experienced skaters to trip and crash down into a melee of flying blades, elbows and splintered sticks, quite possibly bringing the goalie with them.

There is no heckling, shouting at individual players...they can't hear you anyway over the noise of a crowd going wild, not to mention the pounding of their heart beats, and raspy breathing. Any comment they could make would be short, almost in code..."Pass to you...Rob, got that?...change out Pat...." and of course "ooofff, you son of xxxx that was a cross check! Oooh, my ribs..."

This is when the goalie shines though. Not for him the glory of scoring points, only the panic of seeing 8 men in various colours of uniform charging in on him in the fastest game on earth.

Kind of boring, actually. I mean, how can that honestly compare to watching the outfielder trying to find a place to squirt his tobacco juice, or scratch his groin without a camera catching the act.
Just kidding...I rather enjoy PLAYING baseball. For me...its hard to watch though.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Chain Mail


Don't I look terrifying!
This is a stainless steel coif I made for a fellow who loves the wrestler "Big Poppa Pump" . He had gone to a bar to watch the wrestling, and woke up the next morning without his wallet, his coif, his "raiders" jacket and his shirt.

Lesson learned...watch your drinks....

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Motivation


I am having such a difficult time getting motivated this morning. So I figured all I would need to do is to get up onto this here in-ter-net thingy here, and find some motivational pictures. Fortunately, there is lots to choose from! I have no idea who made these signs up....I pulled them off of "DribbleGlass dot com", but I don't know where they got them from!

Now I feel much better, and ready to start my day!

(I think Dribble Glass is one of the few "joke" sites that isn't full of viruses, spy ware and other little surprises! I drop in there once in a while just to reset my humour engine!)





Monday, October 17, 2005

Ren Faire




A retrospective picture of my sales booth at the Ren faire, what...6 years ago!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Weird Facts from EatYourMakup@blogspot.com

<<::Weird Facts::>>
This are some interesting facts I found that some chick researched. I found it humourus.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. !
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves
to death! .
(Creepy)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached
to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Eventful weekend...


Got a helm sent off. This is what it is supposed to look like. Instead I seem to have forgotten everything I ever knew about making this silly helm. I didnt bother to read my notes on the templates, its just a barrel helm right? I made what...a couple of dozen of them in my career? Well, after I made it, it didn't really look right, so I looked up barrel helms I had done in the past. Yup, I had made big basic design errors. I put the top on the outside instead of the inside, the bottom part got put on top of the upper part, the face plate was symmetrical, the crosses were sqare instead of circular, and there were two of them instead of one! All in all, a shambles. Is it common to forget how to do things, even simple things like making a simple barrel helm like this?
Fortunately, the helm I made is functional, but honestly, I will have to pull up my socks and pay more attention to what I am doing.

The bus station this weekend was a zoo! What fuel crisis? 60 taxi drivers idling their engines up St. Catherines street! I hate Thanksgiving weekend...all the crowding and noise with none of the "Good Cheer" of Christmas. Canadian Thanksgiving is in the pissiest time of year too...October !! No leaves have fallen yet, summer is definely over, but fall is not really here. I have heard this is a good time of year to go diving!

All these things seem so petty when I watch footage from Pakistan. My heart breaks when I hear of schools which have collapsed and think of the families frantically dragging at the wreckage with their bare hands to get to the children crying out with pain down inside. Or worse, hearing the crying stop! In the midst of all this human misery, there are politics....which is fodder for another post!

Well, back to work, make a "good" barrel helm this morning.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The ride to Pembroke

Looks like the College has decided to meet my price and will pay me to drive all the way to Pembroke, teach a four hour class, put me up for the night, and teach another 4 hour class the next night! For the price I demanded! You got to remember, its a 3 hour drive. In Winter. In Canada.
Now, this is a class on how to fight with a sword! The class is not nearly as dangerous as the drive! Fortunately, its a drive on a major commuter route, so it should be free of snow and ice. mostly.
I'm actually quite tickled at this, not least because I know I will be teaching mostly military guys from the big army base right there. I like teaching military...when you tell them to listen up, they, like, listen up! Wonderful!

Next trick of course is figure out how to make this a very attractive class. Promotional materials, and so forth. Should be interesting, I am not really good at promoting myself....not that I am shy, (nobody thinks I am shy!) but I really don't know where to start! When we decided to promote the class at the College, we watched as different departments formed little kiosks and displayed books of "what we do" to interested students. Jean and I looked at that setup in amazement, and proceeded to bring in suits of armour, swords, and a live display! I suspect it was this display which has resulted in the course being so amazingly popular. But I cannot do that at a venue three hours away, so I am sort of wondering how to do it.

So why (you may well ask) am I promoting myself instead of having the college doing it for me. Isn't that what they are paid to do? Well....actually, after watching the Ren Faire collapse due to insufficient promotion, I am nervous about hitching my wagon to somebody else' s promotional horses.

Well, looks like my work is cut out for me this morning!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Harry Reems has a message!

The first of the great porn stars....before John Holms of course....is now 58 years old, a real estate broker, and a Methodist. (Also monogamous, and unusual for a Methodist, a small "L" liberal. )

http://jam.canoe.ca/Video/DVD_Column/2005/10/01/1243476.html

Now he has a message. His DVD just came out, and he explains how awful the life was, how he almost died/went broke/drunk. Get this...it took Hugh Hefner (That Emissary of Satan!...that evvviiiilll man!) to get him into a 12 step program and turn his life around.

So, what's his message? Well censorship is still wrong, beware of people who think they know what is right from wrong, and to quote him "The only story I wanted to tell was the story of redemption. And, indeed, the two filmmakers of this documentary saw the same story and we have the same fix, so I agreed to co-operate in it. And now, quite frankly, I'm being paid quite well to promote the film and to promote the DVD."

So, he is "test-a-fyin". And getting paid quite well do do so.

Gosh Rev-ed, you were agonizing about a glass of wine, and here is a fellow who virtually established the sexual revolution, saying quote..... "No, no, no! In fact, if I were asked if I would do it all over again and I knew I was going to be the person I am today, I'd do it in a heartbeat. There was a lot of pain and angst and suffering, especially right after the trial (he was singled out and prosecuted for his role in Deep Throat before being freed from the ordeal by the Jimmy Carter administration) and until I got sober in 1989, but I'd do it all over again." Yeah, I bet you would Harry! Those memories will never die! And what happens to the girls....oh, I guess that doesn't matter, its all about you!

I don't know whether to envy him or despise him. Either way, ya gotta admire somebody who took the lemons life handed him and made lemonade! Looks like you have turned your life around, so it is unfair to chastise you for your earlier life, but darn it...I'm a gonna tease you unmercifully!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Don Adams,Dead at 82

Sorry about that Chief!

Well, would you believe....

Go Go Gadget legs!

The depressing news that Don Adams is dead is the perfect topper of a dreadful week.
http://jam.canoe.ca/Television/2005/09/26/1236535.html

In a 1959 interview Adams said he never cared about being funny as a kid: "Sometimes I wonder how I got into comedy at all. I did movie star impressions as a kid in high school. Somehow they just got out of hand."
In 1941, he dropped out of school to join the Marines. In Guadalcanal he survived the deadly blackwater fever and was returned to the States to become a drill instructor, acquiring the clipped delivery that served him well as a comedian.
After the war he worked in New York as a commercial artist by day, doing standup comedy in clubs at night, taking the surname of his first wife, Adelaide Adams. His following grew, and soon he was appearing on the Ed Sullivan and late-night TV shows. Bill Dana, who had helped him develop comedy routines, cast him as his sidekick on Dana's show. That led to the NBC contract and Get Smart.
Adams, who married and divorced three times and had seven children, served as the voice for the popular cartoon series, Inspector Gadget as well as the voice of Tennessee Tuxedo. In 1980, he appeared as Maxwell Smart in a feature film, The Nude Bomb, about a madman whose bomb destroyed people's clothing.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Women are like apples, Men are like grapes

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good onesbecause they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the groundthat aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them,when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along.
The one who's brave enough to climb all the wayto the top of the tree.
Men... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes and it's up to womento stomp the shit out of them
until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with

thanks to http://hyuppie.blogspot.com/2005/08/apples-and-wine.html

Thursday, September 22, 2005

How true to history was the "Last Samurai"?

This cut and paste was pulled from Mr. Dresner's history forum. Here is the URL. I felt that Mr. Dresner would not object to this publication providing that I not only credit him full, but publish it its entirety. Is a bit long. Might I suggest that you check out Mr. Dresner's forum for yourself, and read the comments. Some of the comments are even longer. Its great fun!

http://hnn.us/articles/2746.html

How True to History is Tom Cruise's The Last Samurai?
By Jonathan Dresner
Mr. Dresner is Assistant Professor of East Asian History at the University of Hawai'i at Hilo. His research examines Meiji-era (1868-1912) social history. And he is a member of the HNN group weblog Cliopatria.
From the opening voiceover and title to the final scene, The Last Samurai is an historical disaster. I expected it to be bad, based on early reviews (e.g. Paul Dunscomb's social critique and Tom Conlan on samurai mythology and discussions on H-Japan). This isn't surprising, of course: popular representations of historical circumstances are often badly done. But this is distinctively and truly awful. There was real drama and adventure in late nineteenth century Japan that could have been even more powerful, but instead we get a pastiche of Dances With Wolves , Karate Kid , Kagemusha and Shogun .
A quick summary of the movie for those who haven't seen it. Yes, I'm going to give away the ending, but if suspense is what interests you, this is the wrong movie anyway: there is almost nothing about the plot or characters that is surprising or original. In 1876, Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise), a PTSD victim who was once a U.S. cavalry captain under Custer, is hired by Japanese industrialist/politician Ōmura (noted actor/director Masato Harada) to train Japanese military conscripts for combat against a gathering storm of rebellion by "the samurai" who do not wish to modernize their ways. In an early skirmish he is injured and captured by the rebels, and recovers in their mountain village encampment over the course of the Fall and Winter when the snows cut them off from the outside. (This begins the Dances With Wolves section.)
As he recovers, he gains remarkable facility with the language -- and the rebel leader Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe) speaks excellent English -- and becomes impressed with the purity and simplicity of the samurai way ( bushidō), not to mention getting really good at Japanese-style armed and unarmed combat (that's the Karate Kid part). Algren joins Katsumoto to lead the rebels against the Imperial forces trained and led by his former commander (Tony Goldwyn, not Custer, but representing the same mindset). Though the rebellion is tactically innovative, the rebels are limited by their adherence to traditional weapons and are obliterated by modern military technology. (Kagemusha, though in that story the leaders were taken by surprise and had the good sense to be horrified at the slaughter of their followers.) Their purity of spirit and devotion to duty nonetheless moves the Japanese Emperor (the Kabuki-trained Shichinosuke Nakamura II), once a student of Katsumoto, to reject a U.S. arms-for-trade treaty brokered by Ōmura. Algren then returns to Katsumoto's village to take up with Katsumoto's sister, Taka (Koyuki), and her children, whom he has converted from hatred (since he killed the man of the house in the course of getting captured) to deep affection with his simple honor. ( Shogun 's romantic plotline was equally implausible, though for different reasons.)
To be fair, some of the background to the story is reasonably true to life. Japan in the 1870s was in the throes of industrialization and radical social and political changes, the process we used to lump together as "modernization." There were samurai who objected to the changes that directly affected themselves, some of whom took up arms in rebellion (more about that below). There was even a plot to assassinate the historical analogue of Katsumoto (though it certainly did not involve a corps of crossbow-wielding ninja). Westerners in 1876 generally considered the Japanese to be an uncivilized people, inferior to Caucasians in culture, intelligence and character. The Japanese government did pay extravagant salaries to foreign experts in fields ranging from history and law to military technology and technique who could teach Japanese to be experts in those fields. Most of those Westerners spent a few years in Japan and then returned to their homelands. Some Westerners, though, became so enamored with Japan that they remained and became quite expert at Japanese culture, even living and dressing in Japanese style. The Meiji Emperor was indeed a young man (about 25 years old in 1876-77) who was largely a puppet of his advisors.
The score will probably get nominated for an Oscar, though its predictable pseudo-exoticism -- wooden flute and twangy strings leavening an otherwise competent musical backdrop -- is a pretty good metaphor for the entire film. The costumes and sets and scenery and military hardware are precise and proper and the swordplay is first rate (aside from some highly implausible sword-throwing). Even the Japanese language material was fine, though the subtitles were idiosyncratic. The consultants (including Mark Schilling, who chronicled his experience in the Japan Times) did their jobs well enough. And I'm pleased that they showed even a brief snippet of kyogen (comic theater) or a country variation, including participation by the leader Katsumoto. Japan 's deep tradition of humor, including slapstick, sexual and situation humor, is too often lost in the haze of "serious" traditions like Zen and samurai and Nō.
The acting is mostly competent, though there are some standouts. One of the best roles in the film is played by Seizō Fukumoto. Fukumoto is a four-decade veteran of Japan 's samurai and yakuza movies, describing himself as a kirareyaku -- literally, "the actor who gets cut," whose main role is to be killed by the hero in a climactic fight scene. In The Last Samurai he is "The Silent Samurai," whose wordless watchfulness draws Algren's ire and derision, but whose martial skill and valor are undeniable by the end. Though standard Japanese TV samurai dramas are a little less bloody than this film, they feature most of the same good qualities: historical scenery, redemption through honor, and neat swordfighting. When I lived in Japan , my favorite regular hour of TV was Mito Kōmon , the tale of the retired daimyō lord and his samurai retainers who travel the countryside incognito, righting wrongs. I wonder why more of them haven't been made available in the U.S., when there is clearly an audience.
The movie actually gets some of the deeper historical context right, probably accidentally: After a decade of intense social and economic change, the Imperial government in the 1880s began a deliberate program of moral and ethical and historical propaganda, the aim of which was to instill in Japanese a sense of unity centered on the Emperor, particularly on his mythological status as a "living god," a direct descendant of the deities which created Japan. (see, for example, the preamble to the 1889 Constitution) The tropes and themes of this newly constructed nationalism were drawn from Japanese Confucianism, Bushidō and Shinto, with a bit of Prussian constitutionalism for legal structure, and it was transmitted through the most modern institutions of the day: the national education system and the military. This retention and reinvention of tradition led pretty directly to Japan 's imperialist expansion into Asia and the Pacific, so it's a little hard to see the ending of The Last Samurai as a victory for good and right.
Another accidental truth: the Satsuma rebellion, and quite a few of the other samurai rebellions, were rooted in the inability of those samurai to envision duty and honor without status, or to be a part of a nation striving for growth rather than a privileged class with inherent qualities. In this movie attachment to the symbolism of the sword trumps the fulfillment of duty, or common sense. In the real history, a few thousand samurai's belief in their moral superiority as a class, their refusal to relinquish the privilege of offering special service to the nation, and their attachment to the symbols of the past, trumped participation in the political and technological growth of Meiji Japan. But hundreds of thousands of samurai -- the samurai class was about 5 percent of a population of thirty-five million -- transformed their sense of duty and purpose into new forms, serving in national and local governments, working as police, military officers, and teachers, and investing their time and energy and wealth in modern economic development.
What's wrong with this film, then? Well, almost everything else, starting with the basic premises of the plot. Stephen Hunter's deconstruction of Cruise's Algren character is singularly thorough. Japan did use U.S. surplus military equipment, particularly around the end of the U.S. Civil War (1861-1865), but by the 1870s Japan had settled on other models: the British Navy and the Prussian Army (they had started with the French model, but switched in 1871, though they continued to use French officer instructors for a few years). So it is highly unlikely that the Japanese would have hired an American.
By 1876, the Imperial Army was, indeed, a conscript army, but had a strong core of volunteers, mostly samurai, and a pretty well-defined training program. They were not using primitive muzzle-loading rifles at that point, either. Japanese commoners, who are so inept at the beginning of the film that they literally can't shoot if their lives depend on it, had proven quite adept with military technology in the 1860s, when small mixed samurai-commoner militias with breech-loading and repeating rifles defeated much larger Shogunal forces still heavily reliant on traditional spear, sword and arrow weaponry. Those militias formed the core of the post-Meiji Restoration (as the 1868 transition is usually called) Imperial Army. And Imperial forces had a few adventures in the 1870s, including the Taiwan expedition (1874) and the mission to secure the Kanghwa Treaty in 1876, not to mention suppression of a number of domestic disturbances, including both samurai and cultivator uprisings.
The rebellion led by Katsumoto in the movie is supposed to be a scaled down version of the 1877 Satsuma Rebellion led by SAIGO Takamori. It's a shame that the moviemakers didn't take that more seriously, because the uprising, known in Japanese as the "Southwestern war," was a true crisis. Every resource of the new government was called upon, including its modernized shipping lines, rail transport, police forces (who were reorganized into military units), samurai volunteers, officer trainees, and fiscal reserves (the Matsukata Deflation of the early 1880s was partly necessary because of the excessive costs of putting down the rebellion). The rebels, protesting the loss of the traditional privileges and domainal autonomy, were quite well-armed, having seized several local armories early in the uprising: many of their officers were trained in modern methods, and they led both artillery units and riflemen. The rebels were only outnumbered by two-to-one; there wasn't a long, tense run-up to the conflict, as the movie insists; Saigo Takamori was not the leader at the beginning; and the fight ran constantly from February through September, rather than being a pair of battles separated by winter storms. There were other samurai uprisings in the years leading up to the 1877 Satsuma Rebellion, some of which actually resemble the movie more closely, at least in terms of scale and the ease with which they were suppressed. But none of the others were led by men who had been Imperial advisors, as Saigo had been. After 1877 there were no more samurai uprisings. (For more details on Saigo, see Mark Ravina's biography, The Last Samurai: The Life and Battles of Saigo Takamori, which is currently selling considerably better than the official movie guide.)
One intriguing element that the film could have exploited but didn't was the analogy between the Native American tribe and the samurai clan. Very different social institutions, of course, but historians of Japan have long recognized that the failure of samurai rebels to ally across clan lines in the Meiji era (1868-1912) doomed them to failure against the increasingly coherent national polity. Domainal loyalties plagued Japanese politics and military affairs well into the twentieth century. But the movie clearly can't differentiate between the individual samurai clan and the samurai class. The vast majority of Japan 's ruling elites, the modernizers who are so thoroughly evil in the film, were also samurai (many of them from Satsuma), who made the decision to eliminate their own aristocratic privileges. The vast majority of samurai did not protest, did not rebel, and were rather relieved to be freed from the samurai restriction on earning an honest living to supplement their increasingly meager official stipends.
The most blazingly bad bit of history has to do with the arms-for-trade treaty, and I'm surprised that more commentators haven't noted this. The U.S. didn't need to parlay its military technology for trade advantages in Japan . From 1858 to 1899, U.S. trade with Japan was governed by the 1858 Japan-U.S. Treaty of Amity and Commerce, sometimes known as the Harris Treaty after U.S. ambassador Townsend Harris (played by John Wayne in The Barbarian and the Geisha ). That agreement fixed Japan's import duties at a very low level, established the right of Americans to practice their religions freely and to be tried in non-Japanese courts for crimes committed in Japan, and is considered the first of the "unequal treaties" that clearly established Japan as an inferior nation to the Western powers. The Most Favored Nation clause in the earlier Kanagawa Treaty (1854) meant that this was just a starting place: the U.S. would get every advantage negotiated by any other country with Japan . The Japanese were not in any position to make demands or set conditions in their foreign affairs: they spent three decades proving to the Western powers that they were a "civilized" nation that deserved more equal treatment. U.S. diplomatic treatment of Japan was heavy-handed and unpleasant, but it wasn't tawdry in a grovelling, money-grubbing way; it's bad enough, I guess, that the only American with any depth is the one turning samurai (the other respectable caucasians are British and Irish), but there's no need to pile on indignities.
There are a few minor points which I can't just let slip by:
The title of the movie is The Last Samurai but the Japanese ideograph which overlays it just says "samurai."
The opening voiceover refers to the creation of the Japanese islands by a divine sword, which was dipped into the ocean and dripped foam, but every version I've ever seen of Japan's founding myths describes the creation of a single island by foam dripping off of a spear, with the rest of the islands birthed by the gods. Swords don't come up until later.
The Meiji Emperor didn't speak English, and nobody outside of the most senior advisors saw him without an invitation. And he certainly didn't make important political decisions on the spur of the moment.
The Ōmura industrialist/politician character is difficult to pin down historically. He might be an amalgam of political heavyweight ŌKUBO Toshimichi, the younger but more radical and economically connected ŌKUMA Shigenobu, with some of the Mitsubishi founder IWASAKI Yatarō thrown in. Industrialists did not have the Emperor's ear (they didn't need it, having close ties to the samurai oligarchs) and Imperial advisors did not jaunt off to other countries to conduct job interviews.
Most samurai lived in large urban areas, though low-ranking Satsuma samurai were some of the few who lived in the country and also farmed. Even then, nobody lived in the mountains if they could avoid it.
The method of "no mind" is not "The Force" -- simply a matter of clearing one's mind of distractions and then the right thing will happen. It is a Daoist concept, originally, which became part of the martial arts tradition in China , then in Japan and elsewhere. It is a function of training constantly (certainly over more than four months) so that one can react instinctively, automatically, to a rapidly developing situation. Effortlessness comes after lots of hard work. The Karate Kid got that part right, actually.
The notion that the samurai have been "protectors of the nation" for nine hundred or a thousand years (and Katsumoto uses both figures) is absurd: the samurai began as rent collectors and estate protectors for the Kyoto nobility, and evolved into an aristocracy in their own right. Only against the Mongols (1274, 1281) can they be considered protectors of Japan ; it's highly unlikely that Katsumoto's clan was in one place that entire time; very few samurai clans survived the century-long civil war (15-16c) and most of those were relocated in the late 1500s. The Shimazu family which ruled Satsuma did originate in the 11th or 12th century, but Saigo Takamori wasn't a Shimazu. Like most samurai, his family attained warrior status in the 1500s and were unremarkable low-ranking retainers until Saigo.
Taka, attempting to refuse Algren's help with housework, says that "Japanese men don't do that." But many Japanese men did a great deal around the house, just not samurai. The Japanese very rarely referred to themselves as a collective, particularly on cultural matters, as early as 1876-77.
When they eat, they are consistently shown eating fluffy white rice, but only the wealthiest Japanese ate that regularly, and certainly rural samurai would have been more likely to eat rice gruel and other grains like barley and millet and buckwheat, either as gruel or as noodles, that grow better in upland conditions. And the movie glosses over Algren's introduction to chopsticks, which is not an insignificant event in acculturation.
By 1877, very few Japanese would have been particularly frightened of samurai, even samurai as backwards as Katsumoto's band, nor would they have bowed en masse. Urban Japanese had gotten over treating common samurai like daimyo lords a long time before.
Even allowing for Algren's remarkable immersion in Japanese language and culture, the likelihood is pretty small that he'd have run across the Japanese term for "President" in a rural samurai village, but that doesn't stop him from understanding the term when it comes up in a crisis.
Algren's first experience with armor on the day of the climactic battle is pretty implausible. Even allowing for superior physical conditioning and excellent training and the fact that Japanese armor is light and flexible relative to its Western analogues, there's almost no way he wears it as comfortably as he is shown.
The samurai warrior-cherry blossom (sakura) motif is so clichéd that I was surprised that it came up at all, and nearly laughed out loud when it came back just in time for Katsumoto's death. Judging by color, the blossoms were plum, not cherry.
Does it matter? Perhaps not. Perhaps it's too much to expect that our entertainments have a factual basis. But now I have to deal with the aftermath, with students who will think that all samurai (all five hundred of them, instead of nearly two million) were pure warriors who lived in the mountains, instead of as underemployed urbanite bureaucrats. I have to explain how rare seppuku (ritual suicide, also known as hara-kiri) was, how tenuous the samurai sense of loyalty, how the Japanese did not "Americanize," and I have to hope that my careful deconstruction can make some dent in the technicolor, surroundsound, adrenaline-enhanced images in their minds. The Meiji transformation of Japan is one of the most dramatic social and economic periods in modern history, and it ties directly to some of the most important turning points and processes of the twentieth century and present. But instead, The Last Samurai is another barrier to understanding, a step backwards in our collective education.
Note: Japanese names are traditionally written with the family name first; the movie credits put the family name last and I follow that for the cast members, but for the names of Japanese historical figures I have put the family name first and in all capital letters on first appearance: e.g. SAIGO Takamori.
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

High Holy Days....

Pete Silver is just too much for me...all his posts tickle my funny bone. PeteSilverBlog.com

This one just makes me weep!


Preparing for the High Holy Days
Tashlich TidbitsBy Rabbi Richard IsraelSome suggested tips for properly executing Tashlich (casting of sins into the waters. . . )
For ordinary sins, use – White bread
For exotic sins – French or Italian bread
For dark sins – Pumpernickel
For complex sins – Multigrain bread
For truly warped sins – Pretzels
For sins of indecision – Waffles
For sins committed in haste – Matzah
For substance abuse – Poppy seed rolls
For committing arson – Toast
For being ill-tempered – Sourdough bread
For silliness – Nut bread
For not giving full value – Shortbread
For political chauvinism – Yankee Doodles
For excessive use of irony – Rye bread
For continual bad jokes – Corn bread
For hardening our hearts – Jelly doughnuts
For excessive curiosity – Wonder Bread
For speed-limit violations – Russian bread
For usury – dough
posted by PeteSilver.com

Monday, September 19, 2005

Midnight Sunstone

The Girlzilla over at "Peebrain.blogspot.com has been producing some lovely poetry. Like...I know an Iambic Pentameter from a Jacobs Drill Chuck, but for some reason her poetry strikes a spark with me. Here is a sample...entitled Midnight Sunstone....

Not a sapphire or a garnet,
I give you a midnight sunstone.
'tis rarer than diamond and gold.
How I found it, I did not know.
I was walking along a trodden path
When a sparkle caught my eye.
Gleaming red, blue, a fiery white
It lay there, poised for flight.
Legend has that the midnight sunstone
is forged neither by Nature or Man;
but plucked from the depths of all known miseries,
one tear after the next.
I give you this midnight sunstone
Wrapped in a skein of dying stars.
May this regard occlude you from blight
In darkness, love, you shall always have light.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

On Writing and web content

A discussion with Shayne the other night about how to improve my web site resulted in several points of thought. One was "web content". I shall have to figure out how to improve my "web content". I'll try to see if "blogger bits" on my web pages will be useful, or whether they will just be a too much a pain to keep current.

I was on Ms. Scott-Lee's web site which details her difficulties in reining in her natural creativity in order to conform to a Creative Writing Class. One thing her class instructor wants her to do is to write a synopsys of her story. I am not sure what a synopsys of a story which has not been written might look like...I thought they were a sort of summary of a story written afterwards, but the importance of an outline before developing the story was kind of critical...and seemed to be what the instructor was getting at. I made a comment on her blog which was complete enough to be a whole post..so I thought I would publish it here... If any of my regular readers wish to add to this, please feel free. Its not often I get up on my soap box to discuss building things, especially novels, since I never got a novel printed in my life! But, I looked into it once, and for a while thought that maybe writing would be a career. Then I found out how much work it is

In David Gerrold's book "The Trouble With Tribbles", he details the trouble he had when he went to write a screen play for the first time. The rules were tighter than a sonnet! Two minor climaxes,(leading up to commercial breaks) one major climax, all within 20 minutes. Dialogue to be adjusted according to the space allotted to the actors, and the correct amount of "screen time" each actor needs in accorance with their contract. Plus variations for directors cuts and European distribution. He said in his book that he now understood why so few really good authors went on to write screen plays...that the discipline to write a screen play was completely different from writing a novel, but WAS similar to writing a poem. Because he teethed on screen writing (he wrote the most popular Star Trek episode of all time at the age of 19!) he found his regular writing skills to be blunted by the lack of both deadlines and tight discipline. So, he made his own. He wrote all his subsequent novels by creating the synopsis or outline first, and then working within that framework. Creativity of course was still there, but it meant changing the "framework" before allowing the novel to "run away on its own". Heinlein only wrote one book that he did not plan out in advance. As he says in "Grumbles from the Grave", his publishers advanced him money for a book of xxxxx words, and he would give them xxxxx words, not a word more and not a word less. The book he wrote in one 24 hour marathon...was Starship Troopers...a book not really very well received, but the emotion comes through loud and clear. The movie does not do justice to the emotional writing. (The only screen play the greatest Science Fiction writer of all time ever wrote by the way was "Red Planet". A totally forgettable B movie.)

Challenge.

Oh, I could challenge the world tonight! It was the first class of basic swordhandling instruction. I'm still on a high from teaching tonight...and will be for...oh, another ten minutes anyway!

Oh, heck, here is a challenge for you. While seated in a chair, make your right foot inscribe clocwise circles. Then, while inscribing clockwise circles with your right toe, pick up an imaginary chalk, and draw the number "6" on an imaginary chalkboard in front of you. See if you can draw that "six" and not have your foot change direction on you.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Tweeter and the Monkey Man

Some folks were askin' me why I thought Sin City was like a Traveling Wilbury's Album. Well, TW is great, and most of what they sing has been sung by others...For instance, Tweeter and the Monkey Man was most famously sung by Bruce Springsteen. Here are the lyrics, courtesy of http://www.lyricsdepot.com/bruce-springsteen/tweeter-and-the-monkey-man.html

Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash,
They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash,
To an Undercover Cop who had a sister named Jan.
For reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man.

And the walls came down,
All the way to hell.
Never saw them when they're standing,
Never saw them when they fell.

The Undercover Cop never liked the Monkey Man,
Even back in childhood he wanted to see him in the can.
Jan got married at fourteen to a racketeer named Bill,
She made secret calls to the Monkey Man from a mansion on the hill.

It was out on Thunder Road, Tweeter at the wheel,
They crashed into paradise, they could hear them tires squeal.
The Undercover Cop pulled up and said "Everyone of you's a liar,
If you don't surrender now it's gonna go down to the wire."

And the walls came down,
All the way to hell.
Never saw them when they're standing,
Never saw them when they fell.

An ambulance rolled up, a state-trooper close behind,
Tweeter took his gun away and messed up his mind.
The Undercover Cop was left tied up to a tree,
Near the souvenir stand, by the old abandoned factory.

Next day the Undercover Cop was hot in pursuit,
He was taking the whole thing personal, he didn't care about the loot.
Jan had told him many times, "It was you to me who taught
In Jersey anything's legal, as long as you don't get caught".

And the walls came down,
All the way to hell.
Never saw them when they're standing,
Never saw them when they fell.

Some place by Rahwey Prison they ran out of gas,
The Undercover Cop had cornered them, said,"Boy you didn't think this could last?"
Jan jumped out of bed, said, "There's someplace I gotta go"
.She took the gun out of the drawer, said, "It's best that you don't know".

The Undercover Cop was found face down in a field,
The Monkey Man was on the river bridge, using Tweeter as a shield.
Jan said to the Monkey Man, "I'm not fooled by Tweeter's curl,
I knew him long before he became a Jersey Girl."

And the walls came down,
All the way to hell.
Never saw them when they're standing,
Never saw them when they fell.

Now the town of Jersey City is quieting down again,
I'm sitting in a gambling club called the Lion's Den.
The TV set was blown up, every bit of it is gone,
Ever since the nightly news showed that the Monkey Man was on.

I guess I'll go to Florida and get myself some sun,
There ain't no more opportunity here, everything's been done.
Sometimes I think of Tweeter, sometimes I think of Jan,
Sometimes I don't think about nothing but the Monkey Man.

And the walls came down,
All the way to hell.
Never saw them when they're standing,
Never saw them when they fell.


And if you think THESE lyrics are scary, you should see the lyrics by "The Archies"!