MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (if Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it throughly in water. At 8:00 pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 pm. Lay your bag down and set your alarm for 10:00 pm. Get up, pick up the bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 am. Set the alarm for 5:00 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for the next five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (Women): Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL EXAM ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
from http://pinkdiary808.com/?p=154
Maybe my loyal readers have one or two of their own?
4 comments:
Boy, aint' that the truth!
This is why, when I was 13, I told my Mom I wanted my tubes tied.
DJ
You've got that right...
Dear Stag,
Happy birthday, by the way!
I have to thank you, your post made my day!I haven't laughed so hard in I can't remember when...
As a parent of two teens, I need all the laughs I can get.
The one nice thing about raising kids is that they drive you nuts for 20 or so years, until they have made you completely insane...
Then THEY have to deal with YOU talking to the dust for the next 20 years or so! Man, paybacks really are Hell! ;)
PCM
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