Ormie the Pig

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FrTbnczYAd4&feature=player_embedded

More fails

rat tail.
Gods gift to women...just ask him, he'll tell ya.

Whatever you do, don't say to him "nice sausage!"

This is, like, a failed art project right?


Well, whatever it takes to distract attention from that "pencil moustache", and "pencil van dyke".



Well, if all you got is a butt like a boy, may as well show it off. At least your girlfriend will like like it.


Yeah, get out of the way girls, I'm trying to take a picture of that hunk there with the man purse.

Loose a bet again Larry?


Ready for the party. Remember, no glove no love.
Like the boots though!

Sometimes I am ashamed of being a guy. Then I see this guy and my heart swells with newfound pride.

Hi honey? Miss me? Yup, every shot so far!

Must be hot in that room! Look at they guy in back sweating!


My mother made me a monster. Kuul...if I gave her the wool, would she make me one too?


Pick the egg salad....

fails

I wonder if they vote.....

Penquins

I never knew this.
Penguins



Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins

on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic

bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will

mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of

compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members

of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes

in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is

deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle

around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

"Then they kick him in the ice hole."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It's so easy to fool OLD people.

I am sorry, the devil made me do it!!!

Peter's evil overlord list.

The following are from Peter's Evil Overlord List. Peter was watching Deep Space Nine one day and started compiling a list of things he will NEVER DO if his career choice of becoming an Evil Overlord comes about. He came up with 100 plot devices which are overused/stupid/unlikely, all of which resulted in the demise of the Evil Overlord.
Some, like making sure the ventilation ducting is too small to crawl through seem obvious. Others, like the requirement that all Evil plans be gone over by a grade five kid seem to be pure genius.

You can read all of Peter's list here....
http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html

Here are a few to whet your appetite.

1. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

2. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

3. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

4. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

5. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

6. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

7. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

8. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

9. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

10. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

Stay Thirsty My Friends

He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetised it.


People hang on his every word. Even the prepositions.

Police often question him, just because they find him interesting.





Enemies list him as their emergency contact.



He’s a lover… Not a fighter. But he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.


At a bachelorette auction, he brought in over 13 million euros, under the table.

At the Running of the Bulls, he has ridden the lead bull.





If he were to punch you in the face, you’d have to fight off the urge to thank him.

The pheromones he secretes affect people miles away… in a slight, but measurable way.


He is the life of parties he has never attended.

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.

He speaks fluent French. In Russian.



His legend precedes him, as lightning precedes thunder.

His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards.

If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would arrive with apologies from the post office.




When he goes for a swim, dolphins compete for the privilege of swimming near him.

Years ago, he created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.



(This pile of self serving drivel is shamelessly ripped off from
http://www.themostinterestingmanintheworld.net/the-most-interesting-man-in-the-world-quotes-top-10/)

My friends call me Paddy

Convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and
taking his seat as
he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took
the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and with an enchanting lilt in her voice
said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac
convention in the United States ."

He swallowed hard.

Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and
she was going
to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded." I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are
the most well endowed,
when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess
that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers when actually it
is the men of
Greek descent.

We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the
Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable, and blushed. "I'm sorry, l do
apologise"

She said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know
your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

signs

The mom song

Turn it up loud!

Creative Parking

Watching a fella failing to fit his motorhome under the canopy at Canada Customs on Thurdays put me in mind of these humours pictures.

It was just one of those days.... just glad it wasn't me.

Where is my Flocki?

click on image to enlarge.

Its spring, and...

a young man's fancy turns to.....


Cars, actually.
I rather like the horse and carriage above. Very nice sculpture. Unlike the chia pet below.

I said this car was fly, and sure enough....

Cheese cake in the cupcakes. About a hundred comments come to mind, none of them printable but all sidesplittinglly funny.

I know how long it takes to cut out all those scales. My hat is off to the fella who probably spent a year of lonely weekends to fabricate his dream car.