George Carlin has his new rules for 2006. Ones that particularly caught my eye were these...
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man , they're pictures of men.
Please visit
http://www.strangecelebrities.com/content/item/113583.html
for the rest of them. Guaranteed to start your day off right.
(I know....its not about ME....but I am a little tired this morning....I laid awake all night trying to figure out what "existential" means. I don't get called existential very often. I think it is a good thing...
Joke of the day.....I walked into the bar and told the bartender "My wife doesn't understand me". He said "Well, wadda ya mean?"
5 comments:
Needless to say, George Carlin rawks.
Makes me wanna go watch Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back again! :D
From Wikipedia:
Existentialism was inspired by the works of Søren Kierkegaard, Fyodor Dostoyevsky and the German philosophers Friedrich Nietzsche, Edmund Husserl, and Martin Heidegger. It became popular in the mid-20th century through the works of the French writer-philosophers Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir whose versions of existentialism are set out in a popular form in Sartre's 1946 L'Existentialisme est un humanisme, translated as Existentialism is a Humanism.
Existentialism differentiates itself from the modern Western rationalist tradition extending from Descartes to Husserl by rejecting the idea that the most certain and primary reality is rational consciousness.
Sartre's dictum, "Existence precedes and rules essence," is generally taken to mean that there is no pre-defined essence to humanity, except that which people make for themselves.
Now, get some sleep. But what really is sleep, anyway? How do define it? If what I call sleep is really sleep, then what you call sleep cannot really be sleep because we sleep differently. Hmmmm....
Entertaining reading, but I'm afraid these actually come from Bill Maher, not George Carlin:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/newrules.asp
Clearly I was misinformed by www.strangecelebrities.com!!
I hope George can forgive me!!
Yup Jennifer, I'm an existentialist. If that means that your future is what you make of it, not what your parents, or your good or bad experiences, or your pastor or even the scientist up the road says it will be.
I'm responsible. It my fault how I turned out. Guess that makes me an existentialist. Or maybe it just makes me a guy in need of a nap.
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