A Stranded Scot
A Scotsman had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years. One day, he saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited, black-clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Scotsman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?
''Ten years,' replied the amazed Scotsman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.He took one, lit it, and took a long drag.
'Aye,' said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!
''And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Scotch whiskey?' asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.
'Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket, pulled out a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. 'Tis like the nectar of the gods!' stated the Scotsman. 'Tis truly fantastic!!!'
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?
'With tears in his eyes, the Scotsman fell to his knees and sobbed, 'Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!'